Liddy the Intellectual and Strange Fish Sightings

Our internet connection has been down at the office for two days. TWO DAYS! So I've been spending time at one of my favorite wi-fi spots, Panera Bread. I enjoy Panera's atmosphere and cold drinks. It's a good place to sit and think.

Yesterday I sat down in a comfy leather chair to answer some email and take care of some other pressing business like checking my fantasy football score (I lost my first game of the season) and catching up on my favorite blogs. I had just written my first email and was busy attaching another message to it when I met Liddy. She was sitting behind me and moving around a lot, so I turned my head to see what was going on. She apologized for bothering me and then said those words you long to hear when you are excited about spending some time alone, "Can I ask your advice about something?" She proceeded to ask my advice about some general Panera Bread etiquette and then out of nowhere she hits me with this comment: "I was having trouble making up my mind. I'm an intellectual you know."

Now, in my experience I have found that anytime someone has to tell you they have a good sense of humor, you can be sure they have no sense of humor at all; and anytime someone announces they are an intellectual, you can bet they are certifiably insane. A safe bet where Liddy was concerned.

Anyway, two hours later (yeah, T-W-O hours later) I knew Liddy's entire life story. I'm not kidding. She grew up on a ranch in Breckenridge, TX where her Jewish/American Indian heritage was kept secret. She has two sons (one lives in California and the other in Arizona and they are both brilliant), a 4 bedroom house (two bedrooms on either side with a living space and kitchen in the middle, huge closets and a wonderful laundry room) and a recently deceased ex-husband who was a good man, but an alcoholic. When she was a girl, her Sunday school class was taught by her mother who only had a tenth grade education, but people came from 100 miles away to attend her classes. She was "obsessed" with religion, poor woman. Liddy's uncle was one of the first 5 pilots hired by American Airlines and he flew all over the world and hung out with politicians and movie stars.

She wants to write a book about her family and she told me she wished someone would just write the truth and it would be a best seller. I assured her someone already had and it was indeed a best seller. After two hours, her soup was cold, my neck and face were tired from smiling and nodding and she was convinced that we should write that book together. I was not convinced.

The truth is I am about the same age as Liddy's sons and she simply needed someone to talk to. Listening politely was the least I could do and never let it be said I didn't do the least I could do. I hope someone out there would do the same for my mom who is also an intellectual (certifiably insane). Just kidding Rose.

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So this morning I headed over to the Tom Thumb to exchange a box of Gillette Sensor razors I bought by mistake for a box of Gillette Mach 3 razors. When I pulled into the parking lot I saw my friend Craig Fisher pulling out of the lot. That was a surprise because he lives on the other side of town. However, I was even more surprised when I entered the store and saw him again by the Starbuck's counter!

Turns out neither one of the people I saw was him, but I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone for a few minutes! I didn't know there were that many good looking guys in the whole city!

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I'm back at Panera Bread again this afternoon, but I have seen neither Liddy or Craig Fisher. Maybe things are getting back to normal.