Blue Like Me

Random Thoughts on This Memorial Day

2009-05-25T09:25:00.009-05:00

My emotional worlds are colliding this Memorial Day.

Connor (that's him in the brown stripes just days before the accident that took his life) has been gone for two years and the grief still sneaks up on us. I lost it last week during a Law & Order re-run of all things. I tear up when I hear about a kid getting their drivers permit because Connor should be taking drivers ed. this year and picking out an old truck to drive. We traveled to Midland on Friday and drove past the final resting place of his body as tears ran down my cheeks. I know it's not his final resting place, but it hurts just the same.

And yet...

We were in Midland for his brother Hutton's graduation. He's the one in the gown posing with just a few of his adoring cousins. Tears of great joy fill my eyes now and pride wells up in my heart as I consider the man Hutton has become. What a blessing to be able to truly celebrate his accomplishments, but more than that, to thank God for the obvious things He's doing in Hutton's life. He has felt pain more deeply and dealt with tragedy more personally than most, but he has learned to lean on God and modeled faith in ways to which I can only aspire.

Also...

Stephanie and I are celebrating 13 years of marriage today! Lucky 13 had its ups and downs but we held on to each other and realize how blessed we are even when difficult times come along. Steph's love, loyalty and tenacity for doing the right thing even when it's the most difficult thing are the reasons I love her. The girls and I couldn't be more richly blessed!

But...

I'm also mindful of those to whom this day is really dedicated; people who are remembering loved ones lost in long ago battles and in the wars that continue to rage on today. I pray for peace and that the devastation's wrought by war will only be known by my children's children from what they read in history books.

Grace and Peace to you today.

The Power of the Blessing

2009-05-09T11:03:00.004-05:00

I recently left a ministry position after 5 years at a church. My wife and I felt for many reasons that it was time to begin a new season of life. We felt good about how God had used us and I had been led to believe by the leadership and congregation that I had done a good job. So I felt confident about both the timing of our departure and that we had served well. We also did our best to leave in a manner that would cause as little disruption as possible and believe we were able to accomplish that too.

All that, coupled with the fact that I consider myself to be a fairly well adjusted and self-confident person, should have added up to a peaceful exit. But it didn't. The week after my last Sunday I was filled with self doubt and a spirit of heaviness. Transitions are always uncomfortable but I wanted the peace that I thought would come with finishing well and following what I believed was God's will. I was really struggling.

Then last week we got a call from some good friends inviting us out to dinner. They said they just wanted to tell us how much they appreciated what God did through us at the church. After dinner they invited us to their home for dessert. When we arrived at their house we were SURPRISED by about 30 others from church who were there with gifts, cards and best of all, a time of rich blessing for us!

I honestly do not have the words to express the power of those blessings. It was as if God spoke directly to us through those beautiful friends and we left that night feeling as though a weight had been lifted! It was one of the sweetest times I've ever experienced. I admit that after the initial surprise (and we were honestly surprised) I felt a little embarrassed at the attention and the fact that I'd been feeling sorry for myself for the last week. But the Spirit quickly said, "Receive this!" And we did. We listened carefully and drank in those prayers and blessings.

What an important lesson this was for me! Being on the receiving end of those powerful blessings reminded me how important it is to bless others; to mark time and acknowledge good works by celebrating on a regular basis. Because the simple truth is blessings are how God releases people into His next plans for them. You can make that step without receiving a blessing, but it's exponentially more difficult.

Thank you to all those who blessed us that night and to others who couldn't be there but sent cards. We felt your blessings too. Now go and speak the blessings of the Lord over others with words and deeds and when someone blesses you with a simple thank you or a favor or a gift, "Receive it!"

Back Roads Band

2009-05-06T11:34:00.003-05:00

I'm singing with a new band these days called the Back Roads Band. The band has been around for awhile, I'm just the new guy. We play everything from Eagles to James Taylor to Beatles, Vince Gill, Rolling Stones and .38 Special. We are available for private parties and weddings, but we are actually playing a public gig this Saturday night at Reposados in Colleyville - http://www.reposados.com/.

We are supposed to start around 8:00, so if you're in the D/FW area come check us out. I promise we'll have a lot of fun.

Happy Birthday Dr. John

2009-04-21T17:40:00.002-05:00

I've been around long enough now to have lost a sense of perspective about the passing of time. Things that happened 15 years ago seem like yesterday and yesterday could have happened 15 minutes ago. I can only assume that the more years you have under your belt, the worse this becomes.

On Sunday I heard a story about a divorced woman who had been married in 1983 and I thought to myself, "She's already divorced? Marriage must not have lasted long." Turns out her sad separation came after 24 years of marriage. It's just that 1983 doesn't sound like it was that long ago.

I say that to say this: 74 years ago today my father was born. Now, 74 used to sound old to me, but now that Dad has reached it, it doesn't seem old at all. On the other hand, it doesn't seem possible for him to be that age either.

To say he's "healthy" may be misleading, but he is most certainly strong in muscle, common sense and will; three things he's been as long as I've known him. His joints hurt a little more, but he travels to far off worlds on a regular basis and works harder than anyone I know. His hair has turned white, but his mind is still sharp and curious. He's seen a lot of things, but he manages to keep things in perspective.

I've said this before, but it's worth repeating. I have two or three men whom I run to for advice on a consistent basis. They serve as my "spiritual fathers" if you will. As I look around my own circle of influence I'm reminded that not everyone has people like that in their lives. And those who count their biological fathers as one of those advisers are fewer still.

I'm proud to wear his name. I'm thankful to be his son. I love the way he loves my wife and my children. I appreciate his desire for me to learn from his successes and his mistakes. I only hope I can serve and influence a fraction of the number of people he has served and influenced.

And of course I pray that my children turn out as good as his have ; )

I love you Dad.

Happy Birthday, Dr. John.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

2009-04-10T16:21:00.003-05:00

Some things never change. I spoke with my High School Choir director today. It's been over 20 years since Ron McCommas and I have seen each other and probably 17 since we've spoken. But when he answered his phone today my mind was flooded with memories. His smooth baritone voice sounds exactly the same.

Ron is at least partly to blame for my love affair with music. His belief in my talents and his encouragement and guidance at a crucial time in my life gave me the desire and confidence to follow a musical path that I'm still traveling today. I'm thankful for him and so many others who took the time and sacrificed their energy to help mold me.

And then there are those inevitable changes. For those of you who may not have heard, I am resigning from my ministry position at the Lake Cities Church. April 26th will mark 5 years of ministry there and serve as our last Sunday at Lake Cities. I like the symmetry of that - 5 years nearly to the day.

God has been faithful and spoken clearly during those years. He said go and we went, now He's saying it's time for our family to begin a new season of life and we are excited about the possibilities. Please keep us in your prayers as we make this transition. Perhaps we'll even see some of you as we plan to take advantage of the freedom to take some weekend get aways.

Have a wonderful Easter weekend and remember He is Risen and He is sovereign!

Sweet and Sour Birthday

2009-04-02T14:46:00.003-05:00

As usual, Stephanie awoke before me this morning and went for a run. I didn't even notice. However, about a half an hour later I realized someone else had crawled into my bed and was cuddled up very close to me.

You must understand that Rainey, my 7 year old daughter is my snuggler. She'll lay on the couch with me or sit on my lap and talk, read or watch TV. Her little sister Emily simply doesn't have the patience for it. Most of the time a quick hug or even a high five as she passes by is all I can hope for.

This morning however, I felt her small, warm body and cold feet next to me. Then I smelled that smell that all parents know and only parents can appreciate. It was the sweet and sour breath of a small child. Emily is only a couple of months past her third birthday. She has yet to develop the morning breath of an adult or even a 7 year old. I opened my eyes to find myself face to face with my beautiful little girl. Immediately, I felt confident that no matter what the rest of the day held, I'd already experienced its highlight.

This date in history however, will not be remembered for tender moments between a father and a daughter. No, April 2 is marked by events of much greater significance. Today my friends, is my mothers birthday.

If you've never met my mom, then I can only tell you that any attempt to describe her in this format would be wasted. It would take volumes or at least a lengthy talk over a good meal to even begin to get a sense of her essence. Now, she would disagree with me about this and argue that she is really a very simple person. But there is complexity in what she calls simple. Those of you who do know my mom can attest to this fact.

Let's just say that I am incredibly blessed to have been raised by this woman and to now count her among my friends and trusted advisers.

Happy birthday Rose. Consider this your child arising and calling you blessed!

This and That

2009-03-26T08:32:00.003-05:00

Do you ever get so far behind on a project that it becomes a joke? The partially built shed in your backyard that just becomes part of the landscape? Or the boxes in your garage that you fully intend to clean out, but over time you simply add more boxes to the pile?

That's how I feel about this blog. Every time I start to write on it I feel overwhelmed because so much has happened since my last entry. Over time then, I've simply fallen out of the habit of adding to it.

Here are some highlights I've not blogged about that would have made brilliant entries:

1. Emily turned three in January.
2. Stephanie and I had a cold, but fun time at the lake with the Fisher's and the Doggett's.
3. Rainey starred in her class production of the Little Red Hen and sang beautifully in the school talent show - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgRUMQ_-VoA
4. The whole family got sick at the same time and argued about who was well enough to take care of the others. In the process, I missed the Zoe conference in Fresno.
5. Rainey and I boogied down at not one, but two Valentine's dances.
6. Steph's mom came down for a visit while Steph concentrated on interviewing for a full time teaching position at TCU. She was offered the position and starts in the Fall!
7. I'm doing some consulting and contract work for a couple of different companies and I'm the new lead singer for the Back Roads Band.
8. I participated in the Lubbock Zoe conference.
9. My niece Bailey is at Oxford this semester and my sister and her family went to visit and spent time in Ireland and London. I stayed home and pouted and felt jealous.
10. My oldest niece Jordan became engaged to a wonderful young man who also happens to be a very gifted musician. His name is Sam which makes me smile because it is the name of some of my favorite people.

I'm sure I'm leaving out a hundred things, but at least I feel a sense of catching up. I'll try to be a bit more consistent from now on with this blogging thing. However, blog sabbaticals are probably not a bad idea.

Birthdays and Facebook

2009-01-05T20:25:00.003-06:00

Every year it seems I have to explain my relative indifference to birthdays to some kind hearted person who either a) wants me to celebrate in a bigger way than I do or b) honestly feels terrible for missing it. The quick explanation is that because the day of my birth falls immediately after Christmas and the new year, everyone, including me, is all partied out.

When I was a kid my birthday simply meant we had to go back to school. As an adult it still signifies the end of the holiday season and is easily and understandably overlooked by friends and family who would rather have a root canal than go to another party. Again, I'm included in that camp. Besides, who wants to be tempted with cake and ice cream when you're only 5 days into your New Years resolution to lose weight and get in shape? I don't want to be responsible for bringing down the national average of sticking with a resolution for at least ten days.

I do receive with great joy the traditional Happy Birthday kiss from my wife, the home made works of birthday art from my children and the obligatory call from my parents and siblings reminding me that as the youngest and let's say "unexpected" addition to the family, I was the reason they couldn't afford the stereo they all wanted.

With the invention of email and text messaging it became easier for friends to wish me well and so I began to receive a few more annual acknowledgements that way. This year however, was my first birthday as a member of the Facebook Family. Facebook alerts you when your Facebook Friends are having a birthday. What a great idea! I received more birthday messages from well wishers this year alone than in the last 20 combined!

I know, I know, some of you purists out there are scoffing at this seemingly sterile form of salutation, but let me tell you this, in the proper hands those emoticons can make you lol or bring you to tears.

Seriously, I do appreciate everyone who took a moment to send a message. I had a low-key, good day and a wonderful night at home that included a tasty steak, good wine, kisses from my girls, a fire in the fireplace, coffee and banana pudding for dessert and watching football on TV. What party could possibly match that?

Christmas Angels and Babes in Toyland

2008-12-15T13:05:00.015-06:00

Here are my two little Christmas angels! So sweet and loving.

We celebrated an early Christmas in Idaho on the day after Thanksgiving.

Rainey helped Big Daddy pick out a tree to decorate...

Emily helped him, and everyone else open their gifts. She has a real talent for ripping paper.

One of Emily's favorite gifts was this gigantic Dora doll. She was a bit afraid of it at first (as was I), but she soon warmed up to her. I thought we might have to buy an extra seat on the plane to get her home.

When we did get back to Texas, we celebrated Breakfast with Santa at our church. The girls had a blast and Rainey told Santa she wanted toys with "accessories included." Our children's minister Rhonda Cullum did an outstanding job on this cool event.

This past weekend was dominated by Babes in Toyland. That's Rainey center-left as a toy soldier. She also played the roles of a spider and an elf. The cast performed the show 4 times over the weekend. To say Rainey had a blast would be a tremendous understatement. She's a little Theatre Rat! Her theatre class will be performing Peter Pan on Wednesday. She will be playing the role of Wendy.

Here she is with some fellow soldiers outside the theatre after the last show and after signing autographs for all their adoring fans.

In true Texas fashion, the cast party was held at a bar-b-que joint. Everyone signed posters for each other as keepsakes. Ah, the camaraderie of the theatre!

Part of the reason Rainey loves participating in these shows is because she gets to be around older actors who spoil her and shower her with affection. One of her favorites is Jessica, the young lady who played Mary, Mary Quite Contrary in the show.

Saying farewell to her director Miss Erica. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Can you see the relief on Erica's face? We are so thankful for places like LifeSong Studios and LifeStage Theatre where Rainey can spread her creative wings.

Hope you are enjoying your holiday season.

Stars of the Show

2008-12-08T10:37:00.005-06:00

Friday night he girls and I helped out with the annual "Country Strings" recital our local Junior College puts on every semester. It's become somewhat of a tradition as we've participated in some form or fashion every semester for the last 5 years. Rainey started when she was 2 and has sung and danced in several shows. Emily was set to make her debut last semester, but fell asleep before her cue and didn't make it onto the stage with the other kids.

She decided to make up for it this time.

We opened the show as always with the Star-Spangled Banner and prepared for some opening remarks and the opening song of the show. However, before we could get to that, Emily took the stage and commandeered the microphone! She went into her own version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and then sang the Alphabet Song for an encore.

Thanks to director Diane Enger for not only putting up with it, but attempting to jump in and accompany Emily on the piano.

The theme this semester was Texas music, so Diane asked me to sing a Buddy Holly medley (hence the glasses) and Rainey and Em danced a bit. Nice poodle skirts, but that bow is out of control!

Thanks to our friend Dorothy Bullock for these pictures (our camera was not working) and to Diane for inviting us to play again this semester.

Keep Rainey in your prayers as she prepares to open as Wendy in her class production of Peter Pan and as a spider and toy soldier in a production of Babes in Toyland. That girl loves the theatre! While filling out an information sheet about herself for school this weekend, she arrived at the question, "What is your favorite sport?" She turned to me and asked, "Dad, is musical theatre a sport?" Maybe Emily will be my basketball player.

Thanksgiving Thoughts from Idaho

2008-11-27T09:45:00.008-06:00

There's no snow on the ground here which is ironic when I think back to the blanket of white stuff we received last Thanksgiving in Midland, TX. It is cold here though and a fire in the fire place and warm cup of coffee are welcome this morning.

Stephanie and the girls and I are enjoying being with Stephanie's family while my brother and his family are in Abilene with his in-laws and Lee Ann and Tod celebrate in Midland and prepare for another Midland Christian football play-off game. Dad is giving thanks in Kenya where it is easy to count your blessings compared to the AIDS patients he's serving there. And Rose? Well, she's enjoying a quiet day of football and solitude and that's just fine with her.

I guess there will never be a holiday or birthday that sneaks past without thoughts of Connor. It was here in Idaho that we received the news of the accident and our unbelievable loss. Thankfully, those first few hours after that horrible phone call are a blur, so I have only good feelings about being here.

Last Thanksgiving however, is a clear and thankfully sweet memory. As we sat at Lee Ann and Tod's house with the absence of our beautiful Connor hanging over us like a dark cloud, we attempted to figure out how this was supposed to work. We told stories, looked at scrapbooks and cried our way through a Thanksgiving prayer. What next? I wondered. Traditional football watching, naps and leftovers I supposed, but nothing tasted or felt...well, right.

And then God did what only He can do.

Snow began to fall in Midland. Big white fluffy perfect snowball making wonderful flakes! We marveled at its beauty and then wrapped ourselves up, oldest to youngest, and went outside for a massive snowball fight. Before we knew it, we were laughing, playing, hurling snowballs and feeling a weight lifted. It was indeed, as if He had sent that snow specifically for our family. I would not have been surprised to learn that it only fell on our street. It was in a word, graceful. And Connor would have loved it.

I'm mindful of all those who are suffering the heartbreak of loss today, specifically the Meador family after the sudden passing of Prentice and the Fishers as they mourn the loss of Aunt Ro.

May the God of all peace, love and hope send you the snowfall of comfort you need today and may we all give thanks for His bountiful grace.

Proud and Hopeful

2008-11-05T13:05:00.003-06:00

I rarely use words like "proud" and "hopeful" when speaking of political matters. More often words like "idiots", "shameful" and "greedy" come out of my mouth. But today, I'm proud of the United States of America.

It's not politically correct to say you're not proud to be an American under any circumstances, but I'm not a politician, so I can be honest. There are many times that, while being thankful for my citizenship and the blessings that come with it, I am not proud of my countries actions.

Last night however, my heart swelled and my eyes moistened as we elected our first African American President. Whether you voted for him or not, please don't let the historical significance of this moment pass you by without considering how far we've come as a country. Senator McCain mentioned it last night and President Bush made mention of it again in his speech this morning. Think about where we were just 4 decades ago. Could anyone have imagined even then that we'd elect a black president in our lifetime. Go back another 10 years and the answer is certainly no.

Maybe I'm just getting swept up in the excitement. Perhaps I'm guilty of drinking the kool-aid. But I do feel hopeful today. I'm hopeful that change will do us good. I'm hopeful that our new Commander-in-Chief will be as successful in office as he was on the campaign trail. I'm hopeful that my children will not in any way relate to the bigotry of their grandparents generation. Yes, I'm hopeful.

One of my favorite moments last night was during McCain's concession speech. One network showed the crowd gathered in Chicago's Grant Park. On my screen appeared a group of young people who were there (according to their t-shirts) to celebrate Obama's historic win. When the Republican candidate appeared on the big screen set up in the park, these young, excited citizens stopped and respectfully listened to Senator McCain. It was a simple moment that reminded me that if we would just respectfully listen to each other we could learn so much and get so much more done.

So yes, I'm proud and I'm hopeful, two emotions that are often difficult to come by when politics are involved.

Pretty Good Stuff

2008-10-28T08:31:00.004-05:00

A cold front came through and brought with it Fall like temperatures. Seeing as we are 3 days shy of Halloween it seems appropriate that the thermometer would drop. However, I've lived in Texas nearly my entire life, so I've experienced both the "coat-covered-costume" and the "sweating-through-my-Superman-tights-as-my-chocolate-bars-melt" Halloweens. Looks like we'll be somewhere in between that this year. The forecast calls for a warming trend over the next few days.

Should be a nice weekend as we "fall back" and gain an hour of sleep Saturday night. As a church goer, I always look forward to the fall back and dread the spring forward. In my teenage years I began to seriously question a faith whose contenders insisted on gathering so early on Sunday mornings. Truth be told, I've never totally come to terms with the theory behind this tradition. Not that there's anything wrong with tradition...

Last weekend I was in Austin for a wedding. It's difficult to describe how pleasant an experience this was. My old and dear friend Allen Robertson married my sweet and new friend Cynthia Ray. It was a small gathering in a beautiful setting and everyone there was so happy for the couple; I mean genuinely happy. There was no pretense to the proceedings. There was simply honest sharing and an exchanging of vows in the company of loved ones and God Himself. It was a wedding that inspired me to love my wife more deeply, appreciate my children more, give thanks for my friends and make every effort to influence my community in a positive way.

All you had to do was notice to the way Cynthia looked at Allen, pay attention to the sincere feelings Allen shared so eloquently about Cynthia and listen to the stories being told as we shared a meal after the ceremony. The bride and the groom exude a spontaneous goodness in every aspect of their lives and that, my friends is as unique as it is good for this world.

Good friends, new relationships, inspiration, a changing of the seasons, all accompanied by neighbors sharing candy. Pretty good stuff.

Tackling the Important Issues

2008-10-16T08:41:00.004-05:00

With all of the tumultuous activity in our world these days, I've decided to skip the cute anecdotes about my family, step outside of my role at work and contribute some thoughts about the truly important issues of our day.

The War - You cannot win the war without winning the battles for field position. With Mat McBriar out and a sketchy offensive plan that will include an old man or an injured man at Quarterback and no Felix Jones, new punter Sam Paulescu needs to step up and take dead aim at the coffin corners.

The Economy - The situation being what it is, we cannot afford to pay Tony Romo a guaranteed $30 million and have him sitting on the bench. He must play, even when hurt. We have a new stadium to open next season that is costing in excess of $1 billion to build. Grandpa Johnson ain't puttin' butts in those seats. That leads us to...

Health Care - If the offensive line doesn't get its act together, Romo is destined for an early retirement. With Pac-Man in alcohol rehab somewhere perhaps never to return, and Terence Newman and Roy Williams attempting to come back from injuries, the defensive backfield is T-H-I-N. That relates to...

Education - Mike Jenkins and Orlando Scandrick are about to get one as the two rookies will start this week. Has Jerry Jones learned anything while dealing with the Pac-Man situation? What I've learned is something about...

Leadership - This is Jerry's team top to bottom. Wade Phillips seems like a very nice man, but he's a powder puff of a leader and Jones likes it that way. It's all good when they're winning Super Bowls, but Tony Romo was 16 years old the last time the Cowboys won a playoff game. Jason Witten and DeMarcus Ware were 14. At least there is one potential bright spot...

Immigration - Wide Receiver Roy Williams is coming home to Texas. Let's hope he can do his home state proud.

May God bless you and may God bless America's team.

How to Make Your Head Spin

2008-10-14T09:25:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged...actually, I begin a lot of blogs like that now that I think of it. Oh well, I still believe it's a valuable, if not consistent exercise for me.

Today I simply wanted to share a recipe I just tried. It's a recipe for making ones head spin.

First, get out your Old Testament and read Amos start to finish. I recommend The Message for this as the updated language might freshen it up for you.

Next, listen to a sermon about how the religious people of Jesus' day responded to the healing of an invalid man on the Sabbath in John 5.

Finally, pick up the book Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell and Don Golden and read it in one sitting.

Commence head spinning.

Most good recipe's include wine and this one is no exception. After following the first three steps, you will more than likely need a drink.

Warning: Watching or listening to a presidential debate after trying the above mentioned recipe could actually cause one's head to explode. Please take necessary precautions.

Tired Head and Thought Walks

2008-09-16T08:38:00.002-05:00

Every now and then I'll hear a word or phrase that catches my attention because of its clever usage and I'll quickly adopt it. Today I thought I'd share a couple of those phrases that have recently tickled my fancy. Who knows, maybe they'll catch on and become as popular and ageless as "Where's the Beef?" or New Coke. I just hope this goes better than my ill fated 2003 attempt to bring back the phrase "Keep on Truckin." Here are two phrases I invite you to try out for yourself.

Tired Head - I first heard this used on a popular Dallas Sports Radio show when a topic was brought up that had been rehashed ad infinitum over the years. The host said, "That gives me tired head." In my experience, discussions about both religion or party politics result in tired head. My wife gets it every time I talk about our finances.

Thought Walk - I heard this phrase used by Skip Hollandsworth on another call in radio show. He was discussing an article he wrote about T. Boone Pickens for Texas Monthly. One caller asked a long, multi-faceted question. When she finally stopped talking, Hollandsworth apologized for not being able to remember every part of her inquiry by explaining that he is sometimes guilty of taking a thought walk while other people are talking. I thought this was brilliant. I think we are all guilty of that at times. And if you pay close attention, you can tell when the person you're speaking to has strolled off in his or her mind. Next time you sense that, stop and ask your listener if they are taking a thought walk.

Try these on for size and let me know how it goes. Also, please send any other words or phrases you think might brighten my own limited vocabulary...or make a funny t-shirt.

All I Want for My First Day of School is...

2008-08-25T08:22:00.011-05:00

Ah, the changing of summer to fall. I love it. Of course it won't actually happen here in Texas for another couple of months, but I still love it. What is happening right now is the beginning of a new school year which means several things for our family. Stephanie begins a new semester of teaching at TCU today and Rainey starts the 1st grade at her new school, W.A. Porter (Go Panthers!). Emily will begin Red Apple School after Labor Day.

However, before any of that could take place, we had to have one more birthday celebration for Rainey. We had a party before we left for Hawaii. Then, we celebrated her actual birthday in Hawaii. But when we returned home she reminded us that we had promised when she turned 7, she could have a sleepover. We had forgotten that promise. She had not.

Thankfully we managed to get away with a party of three. Ashlyn, Trinity and Rainey.

Before making their own pizza's and birthday ice cream sundae's, they put on a show for us complete with home made costumes, make-up (they had various diseases and were turning into animals) and a plot that was a bit difficult to follow (perhaps it was the fourteen intermissions), but visually exciting nonetheless. Maybe it was just over my head. I may have missed the nuances of the story.

A quick rendition of Happy Birthday before the candles melt the ice cream, a movie...

and finally, sometime around 1:30 or 2:00 AM, they fell asleep on their beds made from couch cushions. Do these girls know how to party or what?

The other new beginning for us is our adventures in orthodontia. I had the pleasure of pulling one of Rainey's front teeth Thursday night after dinner. A little after dinner entertainment, if you will. She was very excited!

Then on Friday, feeling lonely and after losing the only support it really had, the other front tooth fell out while we were at the water park.

Rainey has always been beautiful, but never has she been this cute. Later that evening we attended "meet the teacher night" where we had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. LeRoy and checking out Rainey's new school. We ran into several neighbors and other familiar faces which helped ease my own nervousness about this new experience.

This morning it was time for the real deal. Rainey Bailey, 1st Grader.

We have heard a lot of great things about Porter Elementary and Mrs. LeRoy and we are looking forward to a great year!

Maui 2008

2008-08-13T08:39:00.050-05:00

WARNING: Vacation Pictures Ahead!

Wow! I do not have the words to describe how wonderful our time in Maui was, which is fortunate because I've posted a lot of pictures. It was the last of the 50 states for me to visit and I think I can safely say I saved the best for last. I'll try to keep my comments to a minimum, but feel free to skip them and simply look at my beautiful kids if you prefer.

We arrived on August 1 and met up with Stephanie's parents and brother Scott at the airport.

After a quick lunch and check-in, we headed for the grocery store and the beach. This is the view from our lanai.

We spent day 2 at the beach and then headed for the Old Lahaina Luau. That's Emily all dressed for the feast and show.

Of course Stephanie made these beautiful dresses for the occasion. Several people asked where she found the matching dresses. That gave her brother Scott and me ample opportunity to brag about her.

As the sun set, we prepared to eat and watch the show.

What did we eat? Well, in addition to fresh fruit, beef, salmon, octopus and other delicacies we enjoyed some great pork.

This pig was buried and cooked underground for about 12 hours before these little guys dug him up.

Mmm-mmm good!

Rainey "hammed" it up with this tiki.

It was a bit of a late night for Emily, but both girls really enjoyed the show. Rainey is always fascinated with anyone who gets up on stage and performs. When we asked her what her favorite part of the trip was, she said it was, "learning about the culture and history of Hawaii." Much of that was taught at the Luau. She's ready for first grade. She will be an excellent brown-noser.

On day 3, Big Daddy and Gran decided to find the local Lutheran Church and I, being the fine minister that I am, found a local golf course. I needed a day off from church and the Lord provided. I headed for the Old Blue course at Wailea. I walked into the clubhouse and asked what my chances were of getting on as a single. They sent me directly to the first tee where the starter told me if I was ready he could send me off immediately. By myself. It was the most relaxing, wonderful 4 hours I'd had in a long time. I shot an 87 (from the white tees) and enjoyed every second of it.

After the round we all went to lunch at the Pupu Lounge (wonderful white fish) and did a little shopping. Gran bought both girls these cool sarongs and we hit the beach in the afternoon.

Day 4 - While Big Daddy and Scott went fishing (unfortunately they came back empty handed), Steph and I went North to Kapalua and played the Bay Course. It was beautiful, but windy and difficult for us. Steph played great on the front nine but struggled a little after the turn. She shot a respectable 108 on a difficult course. I fought my way to a 90, again from the white tees.

#5 at Kapalua Bay course.

On day 5 we boogie boarded some and Scott and Steph tried their hand at surfing. That's Steph in the picture. She out surfed her big brother, much to his chagrin. Big Daddy and Gran took Rainey on a submarine adventure.

We spent day 6 on the road to Hana. With a CD and travel guide, we ventured off the main road several times. Saw beautiful views and interesting natural wonders.

The rainbow tree with its colorful bark.

The view from the side of the road looking down at a small farming village.

One side road took us on a tour of hidden houses and down to the edge of the ocean where we found colorful leaves, nuts and lots of cool sticks to play with.

We stopped for a picnic at this black sand beach. That was a first for me.

Rainey and I dipped our toes in after lunch and she explored the nearby caves.

Emily had fun too. I think mostly she was just happy to be out of the car.

Blue water, black volcanic rock and a Hawaiian beauty.

We continued up to Hana and beyond to the seven sacred pools. Rainey climbed over slippery rocks, swam across the frigid pool and climbed up some more rocks and behind a water fall. We were so proud of her adventurous spirit and then realized none of us had brought the camera.

Unfortunately, we did have the camera on day 7 when Big Daddy decided to buy us these matching outfits.

We had our picture taken in them and then planned to change and go to dinner. After a morning helicopter tour for Big Daddy and Gran, another shot at surfing for Scott and Stephanie and another round of golf (back to Wailea, the emerald course this time - shot 96 from the blue tees), we were ready for a nice dinner at Stella Blues. But Big Daddy decided we should wear our matching clothes to dinner. We made quite an entrance!

It took a few Mai Tai's, but we got over the embarrassment and had a great dinner.

Both girls loved having umbrella's in their drinks.

Day 8 began with a 2:30 AM wake up call. Stephanie and I took Big Daddy and Gran up to watch the sunrise at the top of a volcano called Haleakala. We had grown accustomed to the tropical weather on the beach, so the winds that greeted us at Haleakala chilled us to the bone.

We waited patiently for the sun and enjoyed the incredible view of the stars. As awesome as the sunrise was, the stargazing might have been even better. It was spectacular though to be above the clouds waiting for the sun. Enjoy the sunrise below!

Once the sun was up we could see the big island just across the way. We were standing at just over 10,000 feet.

On the way back to the condo, Steph spotted this rainbow. It was a fitting way to end our adventure: stars, sun and a rainbow.

That evening we celebrated Big Daddy's 70th and Rainey's 7th birthdays at the Lahaina Fish Co. More great food and even though Baskin-Robbins dropped the ball on the ice cream cake we ordered LFC came through with brownie and ice cream.

Day 9 - Our last day in Maui. I've never, NEVER wanted to stay on vacation as bad as I wanted to stay on Maui. I know our money would run out long before we were tired of being here. We took Big Daddy, Gran and Scott to the airport around 1:00 and headed to Mama's Fish House for one last Maui meal.

Em and Rainey outside Mama's.

The view from our table at Mama's. Of course we didn't want to leave!

One last picture before sneaking a final swim in the ocean and heading for the airport. Our flight from Maui to LA left at 10:30 PM. We arrived at DFW at 12:30 PM the next day.

I'll leave you with this last picture Steph was kind enough to snap of the girls and me somewhere over the Pacific in the wee hours.

Looking good! Aloha!

Aloha!

2008-08-11T09:35:00.003-05:00

We are back from a wonderful 9 days in beautiful Maui! It was incredible! We absolutely did not want to come home. We didn't have good Internet service where we were, so I gave up early efforts to blog and just took some notes. I'll post more details and pictures when I have more time.

A - Town (s)

2008-07-29T08:24:00.007-05:00

I spent last week in Austin at the National Worship Leaders Conference. It was an interesting week. Looking back on it, I'm realizing that although the conference was somewhat helpful and thought provoking, the most beneficial activities of the week were the conversations that took place organically simply because people were gathered together in one place. The sessions, worship times and speakers were fine, but the most meaningful times for me happened in between the scheduled stuff.

I ran into Jeff Nelson and was able to catch up with him. It was meaningful and helpful and totally unplanned. Jeff has mentored, inspired and encouraged me through the years in ways that he doesn't even fully realize. I had no idea he was going to be there, but my time with him was rich.

During a lunch break one day, I met two young guys from Arizona and one from Houston who were very excited to be at the conference. I found myself in the role of the "older, more experienced" one in the group. Our conversation turned to the topic of marriage and fatherhood and I shared what little I know about that and then listened to them share their hearts and we encouraged each other.

Best of all, I stayed with my friend Allen Robertson, so at the end of every conference day I met with him and discussed everything from children's television to existentialism. Although he would deny it, Allen is a genius and one of my favorite people in the world. I'm honored to be his friend.

I returned home on Thursday evening and early Friday morning the whole family took a quick trip out to Abilene to see our dear friends the Fishers. Craig and I played golf while Beth Ann and Stephanie took the kids swimming. We had a cook out on Friday night and generally just relaxed and caught up on life. It was a wonderful ending to a busy week.

Rainey and Emily had a blast playing with Riley and Owen Fisher.

I guess what I'm saying is that life is about relationships. It's up to me to find life-giving people to spend time with and to do my best to be that kind of friend. I think that's the main reason God told us to meet together on a regular basis. He doesn't need our programs, but He knows we need each other. So we plan these gathering times and we fret about how they will come off and we have conferences to learn how to create better gathering times. The truth of the matter is we can only create the time and the space. The truly significant part happens organically. It did for me last week and for that I am thankful.

Summer Catch Up

2008-07-16T08:48:00.018-05:00

Okay, okay, I've dropped the ball on this blogging thing this summer. I'm sorry. Please allow me to explain and at the same time play catch up.

The girls returned home from a week in Idaho and that's when things kicked into high gear. My brother J. and I made a trip to Midland to visit our sister and her family and receive our Christmas gift from our brother-in-law, Tod. He treated us to a couple of rounds of golf at Midland Country Club and an outstanding steak dinner. He also proved what we already knew, that he and his son Reagan are my superiors on the golf course. That's my brother J., Reagan, Tod, Tod's brother Alan and me below.

The following weekend, I participated in the Zoe conference at North Davis Church of Christ in Arlington. It was fun to see so many familiar faces and to have the conference in our own backyard. DJ Bulls and the North Davis gang were outstanding hosts and we actually worked in a quick lunch with Brandon and Sheryl Thomas and their kids on Sunday. It was fun to watch our girls and Sam play together. Doesn't happen enough.

Immediately following Zoe, we left for Kidz Faith Camp. It was our churches first ever summer camp and it went really well thanks to Rhonda Cullum and countless others who volunteered their services. Our whole family participated.

Rainey was a camper. Here she is on her bunk. I don't think she slept much, but she had a great time.

Here she is with one of the teen counselor's, Shelby.

And with her sweet friend Iris.

We returned from camp in time to celebrate the 4th of July with family and friends. Steph and I ran in a 5K early that morning and then the girls joined us for a community pancake breakfast and parade in Trophy Club where our church is located. From there, we swam and grilled at Uncle J and Aunt Laurie's before heading out to watch fireworks.

The following week, we made what has become an annual trip to San Antonio to spend time with the Northside Church. This was the fourth summer they have invited us down to lead worship for them. The people there are always so welcoming and we always enjoy being with them. We also try to stay an extra day and have some family fun. This year we went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas.

The girls met Bugs and Daffy...

rode the trucks with dad (I had to pry myself in and out of that thing!)...

flew the planes and even rode the log ride and got soaked!

Rainey decided she wanted to ride some rides that Em wasn't big enough to ride, so Em flew solo for a little while.

Rainey driving mom around in style. From what I've been told by parents of older children, she'll be doing this for real soon enough.

I had to drive our car, but Emily had fun blowing the horn.

We saw two shows at the park that were both pretty good. They couldn't compare with the glory days of Six Flags in Arlington in the early '90's (right BST?), but they were fun. One was a '50's show and the other was a '70's show. Rainey (of course) LOVED them and was astonished to learn that the cast gets paid to do that.

After our fun time in S.A. we came home for four days of VBS at our church. The theme was the power of Jesus and we set up our building as a big power lab. Rainey had fun dressing up and coming up with crazy hair-do's everyday to be a mad scientist. Yes, we did joke about teaching kids to be Christian scientists...Tom Cruise and all that.

Emily's hair did not stand up like her sisters, but she had a great time at VBS too.

So, there you have it. Our summer so far. If you're still reading this, well, hello Mom. We're not slowing down yet, but the whole thing will culminate in a trip to Hawaii soon. Can't wait for that! Hope your summer is going well.

Bachelor Week

2008-06-09T08:47:00.006-05:00

My girls were in Idaho last week. They had a blast visiting Big Daddy and Gran, playing with Uncle Scott, riding horses, enjoying the cooler weather and even adopting two kittens that will live with their grandparents (thank goodness).

It was a strange week for me. I can't remember the last time I was home alone for that long. The first couple of days were great. No need to rush home from work or working out, peace and quiet, watch what I want on TV when I want to watch it, play golf everyday if I so choose; free to roam untethered in the world.

It quickly went downhill from there. No one to rush home to after work or working out, eerie silence in the house, nothing good on TV, winds gusting to 45 mph on the golf course, boredom leading to wandering aimlessly in the world.

There have been times during the last twelve years that I have fantasized about being single. I think all married people have those thoughts every once in awhile. But those thoughts seemed silly last night as I rolled around on the dirty carpet of DFW airport after being tackled by my two daughters. I'm a blessed man. I don't know what I'd do without Stephanie and the girls...well okay, the winds not always going to blow 45 mph, so I do have some idea what I'd do, but I'd rather play golf with my wife anyway.

Welcome home girls, Dad missed you.

Circus Show and Graduation Day

2008-06-01T07:51:00.014-05:00

The school year has ended with a flurry of activity. Rainey performed in a Circus Show Musical at Lifesong Studios and participated in Kindergarten Graduation exercises at Red Apple School.

That's Rainey in the pink with the rest of the cast from her show.

Emily provided post show entertainment by hopping up on the stage to show off a few dance moves.

Here's the whole family at Rainey's graduation! Red Apple School has been a blessing to our family. Rainey had a wonderful experience there and is ready to move to 1st grade at W.A. Porter in the fall. Emily will be going to Red Apple in the fall, so we will be involved there for a few more years.

The graduate with Papa and Rose.

Emily on the way to graduation (above) and after the ceremony with her sisters cap (below).

Rainey and her sweet friend Maddie.

The excited graduates: Katie, Priscilla and Rainey.

It's obvious these three will go on to accomplish great things!

Rainey, we are so proud of you! God has gifted you with beauty, brains, talent and leadership skills beyond belief! May you grow in all your gifts and use them to be the best daughter, sister and friend you can be. Your Dad loves you! SBB. Don't tell Mom!

Two Anniversaries

2008-05-27T08:44:00.004-05:00

Stephanie and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary on Sunday. I've always liked the fact that it falls around Memorial Day because it provides a built in 3 day weekend to get away. Because we are heading to Hawaii in August, we did not plan a getaway this Memorial Day. Thanks to some free babysitting provided by my parents, however, we did play golf together and enjoyed a nice dinner.

We exchanged other gifts, but it was the sentiment shared in the cards we gave each other that was telling. We both expressed thanksgiving for the other through the ups and downs of life. We had some tremendous downs in our twelfth year of marriage, but the marriage itself only strengthened. The only way I know to describe being married to Stephanie is that she is a marriage artist. She takes what could be extremely difficult (putting up with me) and makes it look easy. That's what artists do. She loves and serves and puts great effort into making our marriage work.

Our anniversary and our lives were forever changed last Memorial Day when my sisters son Connor was killed in a car accident. This year it made for a weekend of celebration and sadness. But it also provided acute perspective that we often miss when giving thanks. As I thought about last Memorial Day, the phone call from my dad with the horrendous news that Connor was gone, the lonely trip home from Idaho, the collapsing into the arms of friends Stephanie had called to meet me at the airport, the outpouring of love, prayers and concern, the honest ways in which Lee Ann and Tod and their family continue to grieve, I hugged my own children a little tighter and little longer. I gave more sincere thanks for their health. I cherished life in a deeper way. I questioned things with a little more sincerity and a little less cynicism.

And we simply remembered the Con Man. That's an old picture of him below, but it's always been one of my favorites. It captures the sweetness that was at his core.

The end of May will forevermore bring with it two anniversaries for us. One will provide new stories, new memories, new experiences, new things for which to be thankful and new things for which to ask forgiveness. As for the other, there will be no new memories, but there are plenty of good ones. And for that I am thankful.

Pray for the Chapman's

2008-05-22T09:33:00.002-05:00

I was not a huge fan of contemporary christian music in the eighties. The message was fine, but the musicianship was lacking. Then I was introduced to Steven Curtis Chapman. I've respected him as a musician for a long time and have come to respect him as a man who loves God and cares so deeply about children. His family is beginning a new and terrible journey today after the tragic loss of his 5 year old daughter in an automobile accident (see story here).

As our family approaches the one year mark of the death of my nephew Connor last Memorial Day, this hits particularly close to home. I know so many of you are praying for my sister Lee Ann and Tod and their kids and all of us this week and that means more than you can ever imagine. As you lift up the Browns and the Baileys, please remember the Chapman family too. May the God of all peace comfort us all.

The Know-It-All - X, Y, Z

2008-05-19T08:37:00.003-05:00

X

Nothing of interest in the X section, so allow me if you will to use this space to x-plain (sorry) what a good time I've had reading The Know-It-All and writing about it. I've attempted to record my thoughts about these topics in my own words, but I'm certain I've plagiarized AJ Jacobs occasionally throughout the process. Forgive me. He's simply a very clever writer and I'm...well, I'm posting on a barely read blog.

My thanks to Mr. Jacobs for reading the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica and allowing me a glimpse into that experience. Read his book for yourself and let me know what stands out to you. Now, onward to the finish line!

Y

Yang, Franklin - Born Chen Yang, this 1957 Nobel prize winning physicist changed his name to Franklin after reading an autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. Among his many accomplishments, Ben Franklin discredited a fraud who claimed he could put people in trances. His name was Franz Mesmer, from whom the word "mesmerize" is derived.

yodel - Everyone knows the Swiss can yodel, but did you know the pygmies and Australian Aborigines are also expert yodelers? However, their hot chocolate cannot compare to the Swiss.

Young, Thomas - Proposed the wave theory of light. At the time, any opposition to Newton's theory was unthinkable, so people poo-pooed Young's idea. This brings to mind a wonderful quote from George Bernard Shaw: "All great truths start as blasphemies." Consider if you will, the life of one Jesus Christ.

Z

Zywiec - A town in south-central Poland known for its breweries. More importantly, the last entry in the old EB.

It's interesting to finish this little exercise just as we begin a study of Ecclesiastes at our church. There is a fable wherein the wise men of the kingdom condense all of the knowledge contained in the encyclopedia into one sentence: "This too shall pass." Very Ecclesiastical. And comforting.

Donald Miller said, "It turns out the droplet of our knowledge is a bit lost in the ocean of our unknowing." After a year spent reading the entire EB, I wonder if AJ Jacobs would agree.

The Know-It-All - V, W

2008-05-15T08:27:00.003-05:00

V

Van Buren, Martin - The eighth president of the United States. Before that, Van Buren was Andrew Jackson's secretary of state. At that time, Jackson's secretary of war, John Eaton, married a woman named Peggy. Eaton was seen as quite a catch for the daughter of a local tavern owner and she was ceremoniously shunned by Washington society people simply for marrying out of her class. The anti-Peggy brigade was led by the wife of Vice President John Calhoun. This infuriated President Jackson who originally favored Calhoun to succeed him as president.

There was one man in the cabinet, however, who was gracious to Peggy Eaton: Martin Van Buren. Jackson noticed this, made Van Buren his vice president for his next term and then supported him for president four years later. It's good to see nice guys get ahead every now and then.

vehicle - It turns out Hummer owners are not the first drivers to be scorned for vehicle opulence. In the 1500's, large four wheel horse drawn coaches became popular. They were the SUV's of their day. The EB says, "Poets derogated coaches as ostentatious vehicles employed by wantons and rakes..." Pretty harsh language, and they weren't even considering high oil prices or the environment.

vinaigrette - A small gold container with a sponge soaked in vinegar and lavender used to battle body odor in the 18th century. "Darling, your scent is like a glorious green salad on a summer day. I must have you!"

W

war, technology of- Nagasaki was not the original target for the atomic bomb dropped on August 9, 1945. The primary target was Kokura. Because of cloudy conditions, the primary target was difficult to find, so the B-29 proceeded to the secondary target, Nagasaki.

Consider the number of lives that were changed because it was a little overcast in Kokura, Japan on August 9, 1945. People use words like fate, destiny and luck. I don't understand any of it. Like the good people of Kokura that day, until I read this book, I never knew what didn't hit them.

Wood, Grant - The painter of the famous American Gothic portrait we've all seen hundreds of times. I always figured those were his parents or grandparents in that picture. Turns out, the woman is Wood's sister, Nan. And the farmer holding the pitchfork was...wait for it...his dentist! That makes sense. He looks very comfortable holding that sharp implement.

The Know-It-All - T, U

2008-05-12T08:38:00.005-05:00

Let me begin by saying I did not forget Mother's Day. It's just that I'm on a roll here with this Know-It-All stuff. The truth is, the vast majority of what I do know, I know because of my mother. She taught me to love reading and music and allowed me to participate in a myriad of diverse extra-curricular activities that served to educate me in ways the classroom experience simply could not. She taught me that a sense of humor coupled with a sense of timing will take you a long way in this life. For that I am truly thankful.

As for my wife, she wins the-greatest-mom-who-has-no-idea-she's-the-greatest-mom award. She amazes me with her energy and patience. Although far from the stereotype, in my mind, Stephanie is the definition of a homemaker. She makes our home a place where the girls and I like to be. Our daughters are truly blessed.

T

Taiping Rebellion - A Chinese upheaval in the mid-nineteenth century. This rebellion took place roughly the same time as our Civil War. An estimated 650,000 - 700,000 lives were lost in the Civil War. The Taiping Rebellion? 20,000,000 lives were lost. That's right million with an m. And here's the thing, I'd never even heard of the Taiping Rebellion. This makes me feel both ignorant and very small. It reminds me that there are billions of people on this earth who have no idea who I am, and yet I continue to think pretty highly of myself. Huh.

thinking - There are basically three types of intelligence: analytical (the ability to solve problems), creative (the ability to come up with new problems), and practical (the skill of incorporating solutions into real life). Although I see myself as a pretty creative person, I think I'm more practical than anything else. I'd like to have an equal balance of all three. Makes you think, doesn't it?

triumphal marches - The Roman triumph was only given to a general who killed at least 5,000 enemy troops. He rode in on a chariot wearing a special gold and purple tunic and carrying an ivory scepter. Here's the best part though: during the triumph, a slave held a crown above the generals head and repeatedly reminded him that he was a mortal man. I love that. That's the way it should be at all celebrity red carpet events, championship parades and professional athletic contract signings. Someone continually whispering in the celebrities ear, "You are not a god. You were blessed with good looks, good fortune and athleticism. That's it. You're one bad break from losing all of this, you putz! And by the way, nobody cares about your political views."

U

university - When universities began, teachers charged fees for each class. Therefore, it was in the teachers best interest to spice up their classes so as to appeal to the students. Interesting idea. Would it encourage better teaching or simply more entertaining teaching? Doesn't matter now anyway. In Texas, you simply teach to the TAKS test, but don't get me started on that.

urine - Dalmatian dogs and humans have very similar urine. They're the only two mammals to produce uric acid. Note to Dallas Maverick forward Josh Howard: step 1 - buy a Dalmatian, step 2 - collect urine samples, step 3 - smoke out during the off season and during the season. Glad to be of service Mr. Howard.

The Know-It-All - S

2008-05-05T19:30:00.004-05:00

At 2,089 pages, volume S of the Encyclopaedia Britannica is the longest volume in the set. I think it can stand on its own here.

S

Schmeling, Max - I knew Schmeling as Hitler's great Aryan boxer, the Great Nazi Hope, but it turns out he wasn't a soulless person after all. Hitler simply had a great PR department.

Boxing fans know Max as the guy who knocked out Joe Louis in 1936, but was defeated by Louis in their 1938 rematch. I'm not even a boxing fan and I knew that. What I didn't know was that Schmeling openly associated with Jews including his Jewish trainer and hid two Jewish boys in his apartment during Kristallnacht. This kind treatment of Jews earned Schmeling a wartime assignment with a dangerous parachute troop where he was injured in 1941. Instead of getting a cushy position like most celebrities, Maxie got to jump out of airplanes and into battle. After the war, he opened a Coca-Cola franchise in Germany and gave financial aid to the widow of his former nemesis, Joe Louis.

I'm not campaigning for sainthood here, the man did fight for the Nazi's. But it does go to show that people are much more complicated than the one part of them we sometimes know. A good reminder to stay out of the judging business. We rarely have enough information to make judgments, unless of course you've read the entire EB.

Shaw, George Bernard - The Irish playwright wrote Pygmalion on which the musical My Fair Lady was based. I had a bit part in Pygmalion my Freshman year of High School. So, there's that. He wrote a lot of other things too and won the Nobel Prize for Literature (1925) and an Oscar (1938).

I like him most for his clever quote about marriage: "When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death do them part." Good luck with all that.

sleep - The Tajal people of Luzon believe that the soul leaves the body during sleep and goes to a special dreamworld. Therefore, in that culture they dole out severe punishment to anyone who awakens a sleeping person. I would vote for that law!

I was a champion sleeper when I was a teenager, but my sister was even better at it than me. I remember when we sang the old song about going to heaven in church, When I Wake Up to Sleep No More, and she said she thought that sounded awful! She loved to sleep! She preferred the idea behind There is a Place of Quiet Rest.

snorkel - This probably caught my eye because my family is looking forward to a trip to Hawaii this summer, but it interested me for another reason. I'm intrigued by the origins of words, especially commonly used words that had a negative connotation in their inception. "Snorkel" came from the ventilating tube used on German submarines in WW II. I did not know that.

Another favorite is "sandwich" - named after the bribe taking, back stabbing, gambling addict, and earl of Sandwich who invented the snack so he could eat without leaving the gambling tables. Nice guy.

sports - The first basketball game was played with a soccer ball and peach baskets in 1891 in Springfield, Massachusetts. The final score was 1-0 thanks to a mid-court basket by William R. Chase. I wonder what kind of contract and endorsement deals he received for not only scoring the winning basket, but all of his teams points. I'd like to see Kobe or LaBron do that!

Star-Spangled Banner, The - Francis Scott Key's poem was originally called "The Defence of Fort M'Henry." The melody was taken from a British drinking song. Ironic, since Key wrote it during a battle with the British.

Stravinsky, Igor - I know this name more for it's use by Chevy Chase in the original Fletch movie than for the composers' work. Outside of The Rite of Spring, I cannot name any Stravinsky hits. However, I learned that The Rite of Spring caused an opening night riot at the Theatre des Champs Elysees because of its "scandalous dissonances and rhythmic brutality." It's a little more difficult for artists to shock their audiences these days, wouldn't you say?

The Know-It-All - Q, R

2008-05-01T13:41:00.004-05:00

Q

Quaker - Originally, members of the Society of Friends were called "Quakers" as an insult. People made fun of them for trembling at the word of God. The Friends keenly adopted the intended insult and now the term carries no negative connotation. Brilliant! They stole the slam and turned it around. I love it!

R

raspberry - Here's the deal, a fruit is technically anything with seeds, so a tomato is a fruit. And try this on for size: a strawberry is not really a berry. Neither is a blackberry or a raspberry. They are Aggregate fruits. So, what's a berry? I'll tell you what a berry is, a banana is a berry. That's right, so's an orange and a pumpkin. A berry requires a single ovary with lots of seeds. In summary, a tomato is a fruit, a raspberry is not a berry, but a banana is. So there.

Reed, Walter - You've probably heard this name a lot recently on the news because of the Army Medical Center that's named after him. What I learned was that Walter Reed solved the yellow fever mystery during the Spanish-American war. Reed proved that the disease was being spread by insects, not by infected bedsheets and uniforms as was suspected.

However, two names you've probably never heard are James Carroll and Jesse Lazear. These two brave scientists accompanied Reed to Cuba and volunteered to be bitten by infected mosquitoes for the cause. Carroll suffered, but survived; Lazear died. They helped prove Reeds' hypothesis to be true and in the process saved hundreds, even thousands of lives.

riot - It only takes three boisterous people to legally qualify as a riot. Let's be careful out there people. Break it up, nothing to see here.

The Know-It-All - O, P

2008-04-29T07:15:00.004-05:00

O

occupational disease - Hatters used to use mercury salts to make felt out of rabbit fur. The mercury poisoning led to erethism (a mental deterioration). Hence the phrase "mad as a hatter." Is your occupation fraught with such hazards?

ooze - Sediment must contain at least 30 percent skeletal remains of microscopic floating organisms to be considered ooze. 29 percent or less and you're just plain old sediment. Who makes these laws? Ooze, for crying out loud!

opossums - Opossums have 13 nipples. This is the kind of information I will retain from this book. Ask me in 50 years and I'll forget I even read it, but I'll still be able to tell you that opossums have 13 nipples. That's the way my mind works. Retain the odd and trivial, forget the important. Just ask my wife.

P

Paine, Thomas - This Revolutionary War hero and author of the Common Sense series which included the moving phrase "These are the times that try men's souls" was not well thought of by many in his day. Although he refused to take profits from Common Sense so more editions could be sold (a noble act), he later wrote a defense of the French Revolution and a pamphlet attacking organized religion. Even though he made it clear that he was a deist, he was charged with being an atheist. In other words, if you don't like the way our church does things, you must not love God. Huh.

He died broke, drunk and hated by many, but that's not the way he's remembered in our history books. I guess you never know how history will treat you.

patriotism - Here's a fact I actually knew - John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on the same day - July 4, 1826, 50 years after the founding of the United States. Here's something you probably didn't know - another great man who died on the 4th of July (1996) was my grandfather, Pal. I always thought his gaining true independence on that day was kind of cool.

Phrine - A famous prostitute in ancient Greece who was put on trial for blasphemy, a capital offense. At trial, Phrine tore her dress and displayed her bosom, which so moved the jury, they acquitted her. Proving once again, that your average heterosexual man will do just about anything for a glance at a beautiful woman's asset's. There's nothing new under the sun. Or the blouse. Or in a man's mind.

plumbing - Let me clear something up once and for all. Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet. That is a myth. The flush toilet was actually invented by Sir John Harington, God bless him! Harington was the godson of Queen Elizabeth I of England, a member of her court, a translator of epic poems, known as a wit and sometimes a scoundrel, and knighted for military service in Ireland. But to me, he's plain old John the unsung hero to us all.

P.S. - Allow me if you will to give another tip of the hat to my grandfather, Pal who was also a plumber.

precedent - This fact has nothing to do with precedent, but that's the entry under which I learned it. It's more interesting death trivia. Three men I have some reason to admire all died on November 22, 1963. Most people recognize that date as the day JFK was shot in Dallas. However, two great writers, C.S. Lewis and Aldous Huxley also died that same day. Speaking of Huxley, read (or re-read as was the case for me recently) his classic Brave New World. It's scary how many of his fictitious futuristic ideas have become a reality.

Pythagoras - I knew about his geometric theorem - in a right-angled triangle the square of the hypotenuse (the side opposite the right angle), c, is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides, b and a - that is, a² + b² = c². I did not know that he loved music or that he started a cult-like religious brotherhood in ancient Greece. I also learned why a square root is called a square root. There are 16 dots below:

. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .

At the root of that square (the bottom line) are 4 dots. 4 is the square root of 16. It's not just a random name someone came up with to confuse people like me who are bad at math. Are A.J. Jacobs and I the only people who didn't know that?

The Know-It-All - M, N

2008-04-21T18:04:00.002-05:00

Happy birthday to my dad who is half way around the world right now. He'll read all of these entries and claim he already knew all this stuff. And I'll believe him. Come home safely. I'm proud of you and I'm glad you were born!

M

majuscule - Official name for uppercase letters, but that's not the most interesting thing I learned under this entry. Here it is: Abe Lincoln is the only president to hold a patent. It was for a device that lifts boats over levees.

manure - Whale poop (ambergris), when dry, takes on a sweet aroma and is used for spices and perfumes.

memory - The opposite of deja vu is jamais vu, a false unfamiliarity with a situation. I had a friend in college who I thought had that. Turns out he was just wasted all the time.

mime - Not my favorite form of entertainment, but I had no idea about its history. Mime started in Greco-Roman times and the usual mime plot included scenes of adultery and other vice. Some of the scenes were actually acted out on stage during the Roman empire. And that's not all! Execution scenes were carried out with convicted criminals in the place of actors. I'd like to see some namby-pamby-tight-rope-walkin'-boxed-in-park-clown try that!

Mussolini, Benito - This famous Italian, fascist dictator grew up poor because his father kept his mistress better fed and clothed than his family. Mussolini was an angry young man (I imagine he hated his father and that mistress of his) who spent his youth getting into trouble and stabbing his schoolmates with his penknife.

At the age of 27, Benito fell in love with a 16 year old named Rachel Guidi. How'd he meet her? She was the offspring of his fathers mistress from a previous marriage. Jerry Springer has nothing on these people.

N

Napoleon - Here are five interesting facts about the diminutive Frenchman. One for every foot he measured.
1. Loved ice skating.
2. Was shown undying devotion by a man named Nicolas Chauvin who is memorialized in the word "chauvinism."
3. Made sure there wasn't a parish priest present when he married Josephine because he knew he'd probably dump her some day and wanted to avoid a messy divorce.
4. Commissioned a nude sculpture of himself.
5. Sold the western half of the United States to Jefferson for less than 3 cents an acre.

nonfictional prose - Don't ask me how this relates, but I now know that waves break when the wave depth equals 1.3 times the wave height. And that's nice to know.

numismatics - Ever wonder why coins have serrated edges? I know I have. When they were made out of gold and silver, criminals would shave down the smooth edges and melt down the valuable slivers. That's why we have the cool ridges now. Come on, drop that little tidbit into your next dinner party conversation and watch the pretty girls flock to you.

The Know-It-All - J, K, L

2008-04-16T14:13:00.007-05:00

J

James, Jesse - The greatest bank robber of the Wild West died in 1882 after being shot by a gang member. Here's the thing, after all the dangerous deeds he did in his life, he was shot in the back at his home while adjusting a picture on the wall. Huh.

Jefferson, Thomas - Paid newspaper reporters to libel his nemesis John Adams. Who says this country has wandered away from its founding principles?

K

I found absolutely nothing of interest in the K's. That's ironic sense know-it-all begins with a k. Or maybe not. The k is silent there too.

L

The L's absolutely make up for the K's lack of intrigue. I found the L section to be full of fun facts.

Lacoste, Rene - Parisian tennis player from the 1920's who led France to 6 Davis Cup victories and won a U.S. Open and a Wimbledon Championship. His nickname: the Crocodile...or the Alligator (we'll get to that in a minute). He later founded a line of sport shirts and other apparel with his "crocodile" emblem.

Wait a minute. I grew up in the '70's and '80's. I read the preppy handbook. I wore Izod shirts. Those were alligators over my left breast, not crocodiles! Turns out, according to the woman in charge of media relations at the New York headquarters for Lacoste, it's a crocodile. It's always been a crocodile.

I had to go to Google on this one. Unfortunately, that only confused me further. Apparently, the problem was one of translation. The American press gave him the nickname "The Alligator" which was changed in French to "The Crocodile." There has been confusion ever sense. I read an article in a September 2006 issue of Business Week entitled Lacoste: The Alligator's Back in Style. However, the same article stated, "they produced the breathable knit tennis shirts Lacoste designed, complete with the crocodile logo prominently displayed on the ..."

I guess we'll never know. And that's enough about that.

language - I knew about antonyms and synonyms, but I had never heard of capitonyms - when the meaning of a word changes according to whether it starts with a capital letter - Herb and herb, Polish and polish, etc. And what about miranyms? The word in between two opposites. When you have convex and concave, the miranym is flat.

Las Vegas - Mormons were the first settlers. Religious types have not fared very well when settling towns (see Hollywood).

Lloyd Webber, Sir Andrew - Or as I call him, Pumpkin Head. Come on, the man has an absurdly large melon! Anyway, the composer of many successful musicals including Phantom of the Opera, Cats and Jesus Christ Super Star is still no Stephen Sondheim. So there.

Luciano, Lucky - Famous New York mobster of the early 20th century. He was into bootlegging, prostitution and narcotics. In 1929 he was stabbed repeatedly with an ice pick, had his throat slit from ear to ear and was left for dead on Staten Island. He shook that little incident off, killed his boss and became the capo de tutti capi (boss of all bosses). In 1936 he was busted for running his prostitution ring, but continued to rule from his prison cell.

In 1942, there was some sabotage suspected in New York harbor, a place out of which the Allies were shipping key provisions. Navy intelligence went to Luciano in prison and asked for his help. Because he still controlled the waterfront and the longshoreman's union, he gave one order and all sabotage on the docks ended. As a gift of thanks from the American government, Luciano's sentence was commuted and he was deported to Italy where he lived until 1962 when he died of a heart attack.

Lucky Luciano, a great American hero. Who knew?

The Know-It-All - H, I

2008-04-14T09:58:00.002-05:00

H

Hawthorne, Nathaniel - I remember reading The Scarlet Letter my freshman year of High School. I thought it was brilliant even though it made me mad. I realized I was alone in my thinking as every one of my classmates complained about the assignment. I love to read and looked forward to being assigned great works to devour. I also liked to be liked, so I kept my mouth shut about my admiration for great writing and acted like these assignments were a pain. I aced the tests though.

Here's what I didn't know about Hawthorne: In his later years, he took to writing the number 64 compulsively on scraps of paper. No wonder I liked him. I share some OCD characteristics with the man. Perhaps I'll write about those someday.

Heisman, John - The former Georgia Tech football coach who gave his name to the Heisman trophy supported himself in the off season by working as a Shakespearean actor. Ah, a man after my own heart! A lover of sports and theater. A rare find.

Hollywood - The town was founded by a man named Horace Wilcox who was "a prohibitionist who envisioned it a community based on his sober religious principles." Insert your own joke here.

I

Illusion - Another case of learning something under a title heading that seemingly has nothing to do with the title heading. In traditional Balinese society, boy-girl twins were forced to marry because it was assumed they had sex in the womb. This reminded me of people who thought boys and girls should not swim together at camp when I was growing up. Their assumption that something might result from that activity only served to put ideas into my head. Of course it was okay to swim with ones sister, twin or not. We weren't as sick as the Balinese.

Intercourse - The encyclopedia needs to get its mind out of the gutter. There is an awful lot of sexual content. Damselflies mate in the air; amphibians have sperm packets; female button quails sleep around. I learned about "bundling", a Scottish tradition in which engaged couples were allowed to sleep in the same bed, but were sewn up in separate sleeping bags (there's an idea for mixed swimming at camp!). Here's my favorite new piece of information: Male and female bony fish have sex organs oriented either to the right or the left. Therefore, only opposite oriented individuals can mate. The ultimate example of how opposites attract. Also a wonderful plot for the sequel to Finding Nemo. Male bony fish with left oriented penis falls in love with female bony fish with left oriented vagina. Their love can only be consummated in their hearts! I'm calling Disney right now!

The Know-It-All - F, G

2008-04-08T09:50:00.003-05:00

F

Fahrenheit, Daniel - German physicist and inventor of the mercury thermometer (1714). I've always wondered why he did not choose 0 as the freezing point. Instead, he chose 0 as the temperature of an equal ice-salt mixture, 30 as the freezing point of water and 90 was supposed to be the normal body temperature of a human. Again, why choose 30 for the freezing point of water? And who cares about the temperature of an equal ice-salt mixture? He botched the numbers anyway. 32 is actually the freezing point of water and normal human temperature is 98.6! This is a prime example of how bad ideas can take root and stick future generations with bad systems. Ask me about church governance sometime.

Fleming, Ian - Famous for his Bond books, I did not realize he also wrote the the book about the flying car, Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang. He apparently loved gadgets.

G

Gandhi - Let me quote from the EB here, "(Gandhi) went through a phase of adolescent rebellion, marked by secret atheism, petty thefts, furtive smoking and - most shocking of all for a boy born in a Vaishnava family - meat eating." In a strange way, this gives me more hope for human nature. People can change. Hopefully I'll be able to remember that when I have teenagers of my own.

Gettysburg Address - This is for all you long winded preachers out there. Lincoln was not the featured speaker the day he gave this historic oration. The big attraction that day was a two hour harangue given by Massachusetts congressman and President of Harvard, Edward Everett. In two minutes, Lincoln relegated Everett to a historical footnote. Shorter is better.

Grateful Dead - I know the band, but I did not know the folktale. Here's the short version: Traveler finds the corpse of a man denied burial because he had too many debts, traveler pays for burial. Later, the spirit of the corpse appears in the form of an animal and saves the traveler from some sort of danger. Ladies and gentlemen, The Grateful Dead.

Greenland - Why is Iceland green and Greenland so icy? Because Eric the Red was banished from Iceland in 982 A.D. for manslaughter. In a felonious P.R. ploy to entice people to join him there, he called his new home Greenland. Like most P.R. people I know, Eric was shady, but smart.

It would have been appropriate for me to be up to the J's today for two reasons. First, congrats to the University of Kansas (as in, Jayhawks) on their national championship in men's basketball. What a game! Secondly, because today it is my brother J.'s birthday. Haven't quite made it that far, but happy birthday to you anyway. You could fill an encyclopedia with the good and important things I've learned from you.

The Know-It-All - E

2008-04-01T13:57:00.002-05:00

Sometimes the the most interesting tid-bits in Jacobs' book are found in the stories he tells while writing about an entry that has nothing to do with the actual encyclopedia entry.

E

eggplant - It was under the eggplant entry that I learned the dates October 4 through October 15, 1582 do not exist. That's when the Western world switched to the Gregorian calendar, and skipped those ten days. There has to be a way to turn that little nugget into a winning bar bet, doesn't there?

embalming - Martin Van Butchell was an 18th century English widower who had his dead wife embalmed (one of the first arterial embalmings ever), fashionably dressed, placed in a glass-lidded case, and set in the sitting room of their house. His reason? Mrs. Van Butchell - a very wealthy lady - had specified in her will that he could only have access to her money as long as she was above ground. Martin found a profitable loophole.

That loophole was as good as the one medieval bishops used to arm themselves with clubs to fight their enemies because they believed men of the cloth were not allowed to take up the sword. Or the monks who were not allowed to eat meat on Friday, so they simply convinced each other that baby rabbits were fish. Religious people are keenly adept at loophole discovery!

encyclopedia - The first edition of the Britannica came off the presses in Edinburgh, Scotland in 1768. It's three fathers, Colin Macfarquhar, William Smellie and Andrew Bell shared an interest in learning and Greek inspired spelling. That explains the use of ae in their title Encycopaedia Britannica. I was wondering about that.

The Know-It-All - D

2008-03-31T10:48:00.004-05:00

D

Descartes, Rene - The 17th century French philosopher had a fetish for women with crossed eyes. This fact alone is interesting enough, but wait, there's more. Once Descartes realized his attraction to cross-eyed gals stemmed from the love he felt for a cross-eyed playmate he had as a child, the fetish disappeared. He reasoned, therefore, that humans have free will and that the mind can control the body; an idea that has had a profound effect on Western thought.

divorce - You think it's too easy to get a divorce in America today? In the Pueblo Indian culture, all a woman has to do is leave her husband's moccasins on the doorstep to signify a divorce. Keeps the money out of greedy divorce lawyers' hands.

dress and adornment - There was a man who lived in the late 1700's and early 1800's known for his style and good taste. His name was Beau Brummel. The only time I'd ever heard of him was in a Billy Joel Song entitled, "It's Still Rock 'n Roll to Me":

How about a pair of pink sidewinders
And a bright orange pair of pants
Well, you could really be a Beau Brummel baby
If you just give it half a chance

I've heard that song a thousand times and never knew what he was talking about. Until now. Thanks to The Know-It-All.

The Know-It-All - ABC

2008-03-27T08:04:00.003-05:00

I recently finished A.J. Jacobs book The Year of Living Biblically which describes one mans quest to live the ultimate biblical life; to follow every single rule in the Bible as literally as possible for one year. It was a fascinating and humorous read.

So I picked up Jacobs' earlier work, The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World. In this book, the author attempts to read the Encyclopaedia Britannica from A - Z. He shares with his readers what he experiences on this journey and some of his favorite facts from each massive tome as he reads them in alphabetical order.

Since I will more than likely never tackle such a large undertaking, I want to share some of my favorite fun facts cherry picked from his. I've followed Mr. Jacobs as far as the C's so far.

A

Acoemeti - A group of monks who provided nonstop choral singing in the 5th century. Every few hours a fresh vocalist would replace the exhausted monk who sang before him. I like to sing, but this seems like a tough gig.

It brought to mind friends who don't enjoy singing and hear heaven described as a non-stop praise service. I like to think that will work itself out. I remember my sister commenting that when we sang the old hymn When I Wake Up to Sleep No More it sounded more like hell to her than heaven. She was a teenager at the time and sleeping was one of her favorite activities.

B

Bacon, Francis - 17th century intellectual and politician who some suspect to be the real Shakespeare. But here's the interesting part. Bacon died from a cold he caught while stuffing a chicken with snow because he needed to know whether snow delayed putrefaction. This idea came to him while riding in a carriage in the wintertime. He immediately stopped the carriage, bought a chicken and stuffed it with snow. He could not wait to find out! I wish my thirst for knowledge was that strong.

Braille, Louis - Developed his writing system for the blind when he was 15 years old! Let's see, at 15...I was an idiot.

C

Chang and Eng - Listed together and rightly so, these were the first Siamese twins. I remember seeing their picture in the Guinness Book of World Records or Ripley's when I was a kid and finding out they married sisters and each fathered several children. That stopped me down. What exactly did Chang do while Eng was getting his groove on?

Cleveland - Named for Moses Cleaveland, a surveyor in the late 1700's, the spelling of the town was changed because dropping the "a" made it fit better on a newspaper masthead. All glory is fleeting.

As I march on to the D's with Mr. Jacobs, I can't wait to see what interesting facts will pop up next. I highly recommend The Year of Living Biblically. I'll let you know about The Know-It-All when I get to the Z's.

8 Random Creative Things

2008-03-13T10:10:00.004-05:00

I was "tagged" this week by my friend Deb McNeill and asked to list 8 random creative things about myself. Interesting exercise. Here are the results:

1. I keep a notebook of favorite quotes, funny stories and clever things I hear people say in real life that I'll use in that great novel or play I plan to write someday.

2. I have a soundtrack playing in my head at all times. You can ask me what song is playing at any given time and I can tell you (Right now? San Francisco Bay by Peter, Paul and Mary).

3. I'm a doodler.

4. I'm a Jesus follower - "You can't be a Christian without being a mystic." - Donald Miller

5. I'm a golfer - "You can't play the game unless you have an imagination." - Bobby Knight

6. I attempt to find simple ways to communicate difficult concepts. That's an art form.

7. I practice acting exercises I learned by studying Respect for Acting by Uta Hagen in college even though I haven't been in a play for over a decade.

8. Stephen Sondheim over Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Wow... I'm a dork.

My Sisters Birthday

2008-03-11T12:06:00.003-05:00

Today is my sister Lee Ann's birthday. The last year has been the most difficult of her life, a record I pray is never broken. The last time she turned the page on a year she was the mother of four healthy, beautiful children. This time she is a grieving mother who has experienced the most devastating loss imaginable, the loss of her 13 year old son, Connor.

There is still much for which to give thanks. Her other three kids are still healthy and beautiful. Her husband adores her. Her God has not abandoned her. But grief surrounds every holiday, every marking of time.

That said, I've never been more proud of my sister than I am today. The honesty, faith and courage she's modeled through this horrific year has been amazing. Her willingness to simply get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other and step forward is an inspiration to me. I do not know that I could accomplish the same were I in her shoes.

To say that I'm proud of her doesn't even begin to cover it. I was proud of her for being a great mom and wife. I was proud of her for gracefully handling other situations over the years that seemed difficult at the time. The feeling I have for her now goes way beyond pride. It's respect, honor, love, admiration. It's a feeling of reverence for someone who has walked through something I can't imagine walking through. She understands something about God that I can't understand. Like the body of Christ, she has been blessed, broken and is now being used in influential ways she can't even comprehend.

Her son is still dead. Her pain is still intense. Her questions are still unanswered. But on this birthday she understands better than on the last that this world is not her home.

Lee Ann, today I celebrate that you were born. But the fact that you were born again and have heaven and a sweet reunion to look forward to fills me with a thanksgiving that cannot be expressed in words. I mourn with you, I ache for you, but you have illuminated the meaning of hope for me and so many others in ways that I've never understood it before.

And so I ask this blessing for you today: May you know that your Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And you will stand with him.

Forgiveness

2008-02-25T15:49:00.004-06:00

There are people in your life who've come and gone

They let you down, you know they hurt your pride

You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on

You keep carryin' that anger; it'll eat you up inside

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter

But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter

But I think its about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

- The Heart of the Matter by Don Henley

When you fail to forgive someone, they control you. Sometimes even from the grave. They have a hold on you from which you can escape with one simple act of letting go, but so many times we live in a sort of bondage because we have it backwards. We think forgiveness means letting them off the hook or letting them get away with something. We can't have that. So we punish them by holding onto bitterness. It takes a lot of energy to hold a grudge, but it's worth it, right? We make ourselves sick and ruin relationships and lose sleep, but we'll show them!

I've grown to see that forgiveness is a selfish act. God told me to do it because He knew how horrible holding a grudge was for me. Who am I really hurting when I have unforgiveness in my heart? Usually only myself and the people I'm closest to and love the most.

I'm not certain what it's all about, but I think it's at least partially about forgiveness. Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

Hannah Montana - 3D

2008-02-11T09:50:00.000-06:00

I, Stephen Bailey, being of sound and disposing mind and memory, did take my six year old daughter Rainey to see the Hannah Montana 3D movie. That's right, you read that correctly. Yes, that Hannah Montana.

Wait, let me start from the beginning. Rainey and I had big plans to celebrate Valantine's Day at our local Recreation Center where they were throwing a Father/Daughter dance. We had been looking forward to it for days. Rainey was stunning in her dress and cape her mother made for the occasion and I didn't look too shabby either in my best suit.

We arrived at the event along with other Father/Daughter couples and made our way to the gym that had been transformed into a beautiful ball room. Two ladies at the entrance made a fuss over how beautiful Rainey looked. "Look at you!" they exclaimed. "Are you ready for the ball?" they asked. And we were. We were indeed ready for the ball!

However, we had no tickets to the ball and the ball was sold out. The flyer said you could buy tickets at the door. The flyer didn't mention the possibility of the ball being sold out. The flyer misled and disappointed us.

We stood outside the ball. We stared at the beauty inside. We watched happy daughters escorted by proud fathers enter the ball. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach and then quickly lept into my throat. It repeated this exercise until I could gain my composure.

I called my wife for ideas. She had none. I told her I would pay any amount of money to make up for this. Maybe a shopping spree was in order. I had visions of buying her a pony. Perhaps we should go to the airport and fly to Paris for the week! Then I looked at my beautiful daughter who was waiting patiently for me to calm down.

She hugged me and suggested we go see a movie. I rushed her to the nearest theater where we arrived just in time for...you guessed it. $30 later, we were in our seats with 3D glasses on.

After the movie I suggested a fancy Italian Restaurant with live music. She opted for a change of clothes and dinner at her favorite spot, McDonalds. From there it was the ice cream shop and home to play with her webkinz.

The last thing she said to me when I put her to bed was, "I love you daddy. Today was the best day of my life."

I guess Hannah didn't lead her too far down the road of destruction.

I love you too Sweet Baby Girl. And it ranked pretty high on my best day list too.

Catching Up

2008-02-01T13:08:00.000-06:00

January was a whirlwind of a month. Here are some highlights:

Okay, this was in December, but it was a highlight. We spent Christmas in the bay area with Steph's family. It was great!

----------------------------

We had a wonderful New Years Eve with dear friends from Lake Highlands days. This years theme was James Bond. Get it? 007 for the end of 2007? Anyway, I resisted the temptation to attach 8 cats to myself and go as one of the more provocative Bond movie titles and simply painted my index finger gold instead.

---------------------------

Emily turned 2 on the 18th of January. Her mom put together a wonderful Dora the Explorer party and Em wore herself out on a new mini trampoline and tri-cycle.

--------------------------

I was honored to participate in the Fresno Zoe conference again this year. I cannot overstate the kindness of the people there. They are the definition of hospitality. It's always great to be with my Zoe friends and to make new ones as I did this year. The food is outstanding, the smiles and hugs are warm and those who attended my class participated with open minds and hearts. I was so uplifted! Thanks to everyone there for a wonderful weekend.

------------------------

Unexpected Birthday

2008-01-07T09:46:00.001-06:00

I had a birthday a couple of days ago. Now before all four of you who read this start filling my comment box with warm wishes, you need to understand something. Because my fateful day comes at the end of a traditionally busy holiday season, almost everyone (myself included) is more than tired of celebrating by the time it arrives. Most people forget it altogether while others send belated greetings which are appreciated, but not necessary. That's not to say that I have anything against birthdays, I don't. I just don't want to be another thing to be tended to at the bottom of an already daunting holiday to-do list.

My parents trained me early on for what they knew would be an oft forgotten day by keeping it low key from the beginning. The traditional parties ended at about age 6 and turned into a few friends hanging out and me getting to choose the dinner menu that night. The best remembered of these birthday meals was pizza, green beans, apple sauce and chocolate pie. Come to think of it, that still sounds good.

This years particular birthday (38 if you're scoring at home) was very pleasant. I was served breakfast in bed by my oldest daughter who also gave me numerous homemade cards and (along with her little sister) a lot of birthday hugs and kisses. Stephanie gave me a reading chair that she found half price at an outlet and a lamp for our bedroom (yeah, that's hot) and took me to lunch and a movie. Pretty good day.

I did receive a few other gifts and greetings from family and friends and believe me that meant a lot. In a strange way, low expectations result in a higher degree of joy. I'm surprised to receive anything at all, so I'm overjoyed when I do.

I believe in marking time and celebrating, however, like Carl Sandberg said, "Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me." It was a surprise to me when I arrived in this world. In fact, I can recall having no expectations about the future whatsoever. So I mark my day of entry in the same way; no expectations, all surprises. It's worked out pretty well so far.

By the way, my wife does NOT feel the same way I do. Her birthday is February 15. You might want to start shopping now.

Bailey's Christmas

2008-01-03T10:35:00.000-06:00

We had a good holiday season, but I must admit I'm glad it's over. This was a tough year to say the least and the New Year brings hope of peace and healing. We spent Christmas in California in the Bay area with Steph's family (I haven't downloaded the pics yet) and then came home for a late Christmas with my family.

Connor's absence left a huge hole in our hearts, but reminds us how precious each of our children are. The Christmas hugs were tighter and we all held on to each other a little longer this year. We know many of you were thinking of our family and praying for us over the holidays. Thank you.

Just about the time we started to open gifts, Emily found her pacifier and diapers and was ready for bed.

However, with a little candy from her cousin Reagan and her new Dora the Explorer backpack, she perked right up! She loves that backpack! She wants to sleep with the backpack.

Among Rainey's favorite gifts was this book that her Aunt Laurie found for her. It's The Christmas Lizard. Rainey was in a musical based on this book earlier in December. It is out of print, but Aunt Laurie (world class shopper) found it online and had it shipped from Belgium!

Hutton found time to relax and watch the little ones pass out gifts. Seems like only yesterday he was the little one!

Even Papa scored big! Here he is in his chair, loaded down with gifts.

Three generations of beautiful women. That's my sister Lee Ann in the middle with her daughter Bailey on the left and my mom Rose on the right. Just seeing those three smile is a wonderful gift.

It's a Bailey family tradition that all the cousins gather around this rocking chair for a picture. Moving clockwise from the upper left, that's Hutton, Jordan, Emily, Caitlin, Rainey, Reagan and Bailey.

They keep getting bigger, but the group is smaller by one. It's still difficult to believe and impossible to explain how much we miss Connor. Our hearts ache, our stomach's hurt and our tears sneak up on us.

Here's to a brighter and peaceful 2008.

Christmas Is...

2007-12-10T10:08:00.000-06:00

Rainey performed in her first non-school show at the Life Song Theater. The show, Christmas Is..., was a musical adaptation of a children's book called The Christmas Lizard. In the story, a lizard learns about the meaning of Christmas by climbing a Christmas tree and meeting the ornaments. Rainey danced as a sugar plum fairy and sang as a school girl. She did a wonderful job and had a fantastic time doing it. I think she may have caught the theater bug...can't imagine how that could happen : )

The cast (Rainey is right in the middle) of older kids doted on Rainey and her young friends and lavished them with attention. Rainey loved going to rehearsals just to hang out with them. Her favorite part of the experience, however, was signing autographs after each performance. If you'd like one just ask, she'll be more than happy to oblige her adoring fans.

Rainey (on the left) with new theater friends.

Rainey and her two friends Ashlyn and Trinity dance as Sugar Plums with Miss Amber.

The three amigos!

The cast takes a more natural pose.

Rehearsals and performances kept us busy, but overall Christmas Is... was a great experience. I have a strong feeling there will be more performances to come.

Thanksgiving 2007

2007-11-26T11:29:00.000-06:00

Our family spent Thanksgiving at my sister's house in Midland this year. It was a change from our usual every other year gathering at my parents house. Hutton had football practice on Thursday morning and Lee Ann and Tod really wanted to be home this year, so we headed west.

God provided great food and several inches of snow. It was Emily's first introduction to snow and she loved it! We couldn't get her to come inside. We ate, watched football, saw a movie and had a great snowball fight.

Emily and Rainey had a blast in the snow!

My girls and my brothers girls, The Bailey girls of North Hurst: Rainey, Caitlin, Jordan and Emily.

The three oldest granddaughters: Bailey (in her first year at ACU), Caitlin (Jr. in high school) and Jordan (in her second year at Harding).

My brother preparing to fire. Yes, even Uncle J. (aka Uncle JJ, aka Uncle PJ) got into the fight.

My sister Lee Ann was just taking pictures, but couldn't avoid having to dodge a few snowballs.

Tod after being attacked by his children.

The cousins: Rainey, Hutton, Jordan, Bailey, Caitlin, and Emily and Reagan in front (notice Tod in the background about to nail them with a snowball).

Of course, we missed Connor who would have loved every minute of the weekend. His absence was glaring. The empty space at our table and in our pictures is still difficult to comprehend. As you can see from the pictures, however, we are not destroyed. We shed some tears over the holiday, but we laughed a lot too. We missed him in laughter and tears.

Many of you have told me you were thoughtful and prayerful for our family over the weekend. Words cannot express how much that means to us.

Peru 2007

2007-11-19T11:09:00.000-06:00

Now that I've had some time to rest and reconnect with my family, here are some pictures of my wonderful trip to Peru. Olive Branch ministries out of Austin did a fantastic job of organizing this trip. Thank you Scott and Malena!

We set up a clinic in Viviate (medical, dental, eye glasses and pharmacy) and saw over 2300 patients in 5 days. I met with some Christians there and some seekers for three of those days. When I wasn't with them, I had the pleasure of assisting my dad in the dental clinic. The team Olive Branch put together was so much fun to work with. Everyone worked together well and we laughed a lot. I can't imagine how the trip could have been better.

Dad and me with a happy patient.

Three beautiful ladies waiting to see the dentist.
A good example of why foot washing is such a humbling job.

This is not the line to get in at the beginning of the day. This is the line forming for the next day as we are leaving for the night. People waited all night to get in and see a doctor.

I really enjoyed meeting with the small group of Christians in Viviate. I especially enjoyed the singing. They sang songs I was familiar with, so even though it was in Spanish, I could keep up. This is a shot of the worship leader. She did an outstanding job!

Our interpreters were the best! Most of them were college students from Piura where we stayed during the clinic week. These two sisters, Adrianna and Andrea, showed us their neighborhood and took us out to eat one night. They were very smart and funny. Very cool people.

On our last night in Piura we had a dinner with some of the Christians there, our team and our interpreters. The interpreters got together and gave us all "I Love Peru" T-shirts. One of our team doctors (he's also our family doctor) Cody Mihills models his.

Once the clinic week was over, we headed for some R & R in Cusco. Everywhere we went, the Peruvian people proved to be as beautiful as their country.

We saw a lot of llama and alpaca. This woman is hand weaving with alpaca wool. She can weave up to 4 inches in a day. It was amazing to watch. I wish Stephanie had been with me.

I tried some interesting food in Peru. Here I am feeding an alpaca. I felt it was the least I could do considering the fact I had eaten his cousin the llama for dinner the night before.

And yes, I did try the guinea pig. It was a bit gamy for my taste. The Peruvians keep guinea pigs as pets, but do eat them on special occasions.

In Cusco I walked out of the hotel and ran into this guy. He wasn't sure why I was taking his picture, but hey, how often do you run into a die hard Idaho Vandals fan? I thought my in-laws would appreciate this.

I met this mother and child in a market in Cusco. Every child I saw made me miss my girls.

On our next to last day in Peru we went up to Machu Picchu. It was fascinating, spectacular and amazing!

Our guide in Machu Picchu was named Ruben. He was very knowledgeable and understandably proud of his heritage. It was his people who built Machu Picchu.

What a blessing it was to get to make this trip with my dad. This was his 8th trip this year to help hurting people around the world. He is working harder in "retirement" than ever before and loving every minute of it. He embodies the undeniable truth that it is more blessed to give than to receive. I'm proud of him and so thankful that we were able to make this trip together.

I'm sure I'll have more to say about this experience as I have time to process it. I have A LOT more pictures if anyone is interested. Thank you for your prayers while I was away. God truly blessed our trip!

Greetings From Peru

2007-11-07T21:33:00.000-06:00

I arrived in Peru early Monday morning, about 20 hours after taking off from DFW. I won`t go into detail here, but I will write more about the trip when I get home next week. I just wanted to say that I am safe and covet your prayers as we work here. The trip was organized by a group out of Austin called Olive Branch Ministries. We have set up a health clinic and I´m meeting with a group of teenagers every morning and assisting my dad in the dental clinic every afternoon.

Here are some quick thoughts: My dad is amazing. I don´t know how he goes on so many trips like this. Seriously, amazing...Teenagers ask universal questions and have universal teenage concerns...We are so spoiled. When we arrive at the clinic each morning, there are long lines of people hoping to get in. When we leave at night, the lines for the next day are already forming. Some wait all night and for hours the next day to see a doctor or dentist...Children can find a way to have fun in any circumstances.

Please pray that things continue to go as smoothly as they have thus far and that my wife can survive another week of single parenthood.

The Office

2007-10-31T16:08:00.000-05:00

I love The Office on NBC! We are having a little Halloween fun at our office today. The real Michael Scott would be proud.

That's Senior Minister Joel Quile on the left as Michael Scott, Youth Minister Matt McBryde on the right as Jim Halpert, Administrator Karen Black front and center as Pam Beesly and yours truly in the back as Dwight K. Schrute.

This picture was taken shortly after retrieving my stapler from the center of a jell-o mold. Jim refuses to admit he did it. Fact: I found an empty jell-o box in Jim's trash can. Fact: I shook Jim's hand in a secret effort to find out if his fingers were sticky. Result: Affirmative.

Question: Who is really in charge here? They can call me Assistant to the Regional Manager if they so desire. I'm armed with the knowledge and security that this office would not be able to function without Dwight K. Schrute.

Show the Way

2007-10-24T09:40:00.000-05:00

I've struggled to write lately. Circumstances have been stacking up on me. To be honest, I'm simply tired which is leading to extreme feelings of frustration. Sickness, death, rebellion, divorce and other nightmares both real and imagined are always hovering around our world, but they have landed on my doorstep and I'm out of sorts to say the least. So, I'm letting God speak to me through David Wilcox today. Perhaps He'll speak to you too.

You say you see no hope,
You say you see no reason we should dream
That the world would ever change
You're saying love is foolish to believe
'Cause there'll always be some crazy
With an Army or a Knife
To wake you from your day dream,
Put the fear back in your life...

Look, if someone wrote a play
Just to glorify what's stronger than hate,
Would they not arrange the stage
To look as if the hero came too late
He's almost in defeat
It's looking like the Evil side will win,
So on the edge of every seat,
From the moment that the whole thing begins

It is Love who makes the mortar
And it's Love who stacked these stones
And it's Love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's Love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness love can show the way

So now the stage is set.
Feel you own heart beating in your chest.
This life's not over yet.
So we get up on our feet and do our best.
We play against the fear.
We play against the reasons not to try
We're playing for the tears
Burning in the happy angel's eyes

For it's Love who makes the mortar
And it's Love who stacked these stones
And it's Love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's Love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness love can show the way

A Time to Mourn and a Time to Dance

2007-10-15T11:21:00.000-05:00

It's funny to think of those words from Ecclesiastes. Even after all that has happened over the last few months, when I hear those words I think of Kevin Bacon's character in Footloose using scripture to convince the Town Council to allow a school dance. Let's Hear It for the Boy...

Those words came to mind again this weekend. My sister's family was in town for the Midland Christian/Fort Worth Christian football game. Bailey didn't come in from Abilene for the game. She is too busy and "happy" at ACU. I put quotation marks around that word because it is hers and it is significant considering where she's been. Hutton thrilled us by playing the best game he's ever played. His special teams play was the icing on a cake that included a couple of sacks and breaking up two passes during a goal line stand. His Grandmothers were high-fiving in the stands! All this in a week which also included giving his testimony to thousands at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes gathering in Midland. It was a much needed time to dance.

On Saturday morning we gathered at my parents house for breakfast. Hutton had gone home on the team bus and Reagan had to get back to Midland for his football game that night, so they had to hit the road as soon as the meal was finished.

As Tod, Lee Ann and Reagan backed down the drive it was evident what a difference a year has made. Last year, they would have had four kids in the car, this year they had one. We celebrate Bailey's good college experience and thank God for the community she has found there. We burst with pride over Hutton's accomplishments and his desire to be part of a team with it's ups and downs and long bus rides.

And Reagan...well Reagan embodies life celebration. He is full of energy and joy. Seeing him sitting alone in the back seat on Saturday morning however, was reason once again to mourn. The grief goes on, but we are doing our best not to miss the dance.

Zoe and Sadness and Thanksgiving

2007-10-08T11:34:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all the Zoe family for asking me to participate in the conferences again this year. My time in Nashville this past weekend was rich and healing. Brian McLaren challenged me, the worship inspired and moved me and spending time with old and new friends warmed my heart.

I can't tell you how tired I am of being sad. I'm afraid I'm not bearing all that well under the heavy weight of mourning. I fear I'm becoming the phone call you dread receiving or the party guest who constantly brings the room down. I want to have a different answer when people ask me how I'm doing, but a different answer would not be an honest one.

I wish there was a ransom to hand over to get our energy back. I wish there was a toll to pay that would allow us to cross over the bridge of hurt. If I could cry it all out, I would. If a vacation would help, I'd take one. But sometimes the tears won't come and there is no escaping sadness even on a beach or mountain somewhere.

Connor's tragic death was the blow that bruised us deeply and as my friend Joel reminded me, once you are bruised, anything that pokes that bruise is painful. Our "pokes" this summer have included other losses including a miscarriage and the death of Steph's grandmother. They've also included other death's, divorces and illnesses that by themselves would be difficult to deal with, but together can make you feel like you are at the bottom of a very large dog pile.

I'm holding on to the fact that things will get better, that this is a season, that time will heal the wounds and I'm hopeful that the scars left behind will turn to beauty marks.

Today, I'm thankful for community. I'm thankful for the hugs and whispers of prayer and encouragement I received from so many at the Zoe conference. I'm thankful for Brandon's understanding and Eric's prayers; for Paul and Pat's story and for the listening ear's of brothers like Rich and George. I'm thankful for old friends like Murray, Val and John Scott who make me feel loved even when all we have time for is a quick hello. I'm thankful for Julie's "hand-hug", Judy's wisdom and Mike's warm greeting. I'm thankful for the Henderson's ability to laugh and love and serve in ways that inspire me and for the joy of being with younger disciples like Luke and Josh and their families and Peter and Lindsey and Kylar and Jeremiah and so many others who are such strong ambassadors for Christ. And I'm thankful for the warm reception I received yesterday when I returned home to Lake Cities.

It's people like you, family like you that give me the strength to go on when I don't feel like it. It's people like you whose prayers hold me up.
It's people like you who bring Zoe (life) into the midst of my sadness and remind me that God is good.

John Connor Brown Jr. High Building

2007-09-25T13:34:00.001-05:00

We were honored yesterday to be in Midland for the dedication of the John Connor Brown Jr. High Building on the campus of Midland Christian Schools. The speakers said wonderful things and it was moving to have some of Connor's best friends perform the actual unveiling. The thing that touched me the most however, was the respect that the student body showed during the ceremony. From the smallest to the biggest, the 1,100 students of MCS were patient, respectful and loving in the way they listened and participated. It meant the world to our family.

I was thinking about my sisters kids on the drive out to Midland. Every time I see them I notice the changes in them. Like how beautiful Bailey is and how much she looks like her mother or how I can tell Hutton has been working out because he's so solid when I give him a hug or how Reagan has somehow become even quicker on his feet which seemed impossible the last time I saw him.

The last year or so of Connor's life his physical appearance changed significantly. He lost the last of his baby fat, his face thinned out and he looked so grown up to me. Stephanie and I mentioned several times how much he had grown. What hadn't changed was his wry smile, his sweet demeanor and his loving spirit.

I'm extremely grateful to the Board of Trustees at Midland Christian for the honor bestowed upon a good kid like John Connor Brown. But the truth is I wish I could hug him again and watch him grow some more. I wish my sister was not having to suffer through this terrible loss. I wish I were dead and gone from old age before the occasion to name a building after him had ever arisen.

Trip to Abilene

2007-09-19T16:57:00.000-05:00

I spent Monday and Tuesday at the ACU Lectureship. Here are my top 5 highlights:

1. Eating at Harold's. Harold's Bar-b-Que literally makes my mouth water. Seriously, I'm drooling on my computer keyboard at the mere mention of it.

2. Hearing Landon Saunders speak. His words Monday night will stay with me for a long time.

3. Seeing my niece Bailey. She was beautiful, enjoying college and steady on her feet.

4. Spending time with the Fisher family and seeing their new house. Great food, great house, great kids!

5. Being reminded of how thankful I am for my time at ACU. I'm not a rah-rah kind of alumnus. I know that people have had great college experiences on numerous campuses around the world. In fact, I'm sure that there were certain aspects of the college experience that I missed out on by going to ACU (big time college sports just to name one). However, my time there provided me with wonderful memories and most importantly, friends who continue to walk with me 15 years after our graduation day. I spoke with three of them today.

Thanks to Mark Love and his crew for putting on a great lectureship.

The Bride of Christ vs. The Stepford Wives

2007-09-10T13:24:00.000-05:00

I feel it only fair to warn you that what I'm about to say is coming from a place of frustration. But if you can't spout off on your own blog, then where can you?

Recently I found myself amongst a group of christian mothers. We were not at a church building, but we were at a business that while opened to the general public, tends to cater to christians. Perhaps because I was the only dad in the room or because I didn't know anyone there or (I fear) because of the way I was dressed (not very nicely), no one seemed all that interested in speaking with me. They were however, very excited to speak with each other. I lowered my head and tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible, but my ears were attuned to my surroundings. In other words, I did some big time eaves dropping!

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. When I arrived at this establishment I noticed my dirty Honda stood out like a sore thumb in a sea of top of the line mini-vans and SUV's. I hesitated after entering and almost stepped back outside to make sure I was in the right place. I thought I might have mistakenly joined a Mary Kay cosmetics party. Finally, as I made a quick scan of the room I was surprised to see that apparently I was the only one there who was neither a member of a tanning salon nor had participated in breast augmentation surgery. Hey, I'm a healthy guy! Give me a break, it was difficult not to notice.

So, I began to listen to the conversations around me. The themes were common: kids, husbands, school starting, etc. There was talk of vacation homes, husbands' great new jobs and boasting about how talented their children were. There was also a lot of talk about church. These ladies were all church attenders, but did not seem to attend the same churches. Some bragged about their churches programs, while others complained about theirs. Some spoke about how awesome their pastors were, others rolled their eyes and said they wished they had a cool pastor.

I began to consider what a non-church attender would think of what he/she heard. The more I listened, the more sickened I felt by it. In fact, if you replaced "church" with "country club" and "pastor" with "tennis pro" you could not tell a bit of difference between this and any other group of rich women.

There were a few "God blesses" and some talk of prayer thrown in, but that only seemed to make it worse. "My Brittany is such a gifted dancer! You'd have to be blind not to see she's the most talented one in her class. If she doesn't get the lead in the upcoming production, it will be a crime and I will have to have a talk with that director, God bless him. So, we're praying about it."

It was the PTL networks version of the Stepford Wives.

I felt a mixture of anger and embarrassment welling up inside, so I stepped out of the room and called my wife (the polar opposite of these women). She talked me off the ledge, but I haven't been able to shake the frustration of that experience, partially because I know in similar situations I have contributed to the problem.

I'm going to try not to do that anymore.

The First First Day of School

2007-08-27T08:38:00.000-05:00

Remember the first day of school? I loved it. I was always excited to return to the social structure and the extra curricular activities. Class attendance was simply the toll I paid to participate in the rest of it. I never struggled with shyness or apprehension about new experiences. I relished them.

This first day of school is different. Hutton and Reagan return to Midland Christian. Lee Ann begins a new job as school nurse at MCS. But the joy of these new beginnings has in many ways been stolen. Connor isn't starting the 8th grade today. He's not going to football practice or charming his teachers or goofing around with his buddies.

With each new first this year comes an acute awareness of what, and more specifically whom is missing.

Bailey embarks on her college journey today too. I know what it's like to be the little brother watching older siblings go off to college. I know how excited Connor was for Bailey and how proud he was of her. I also imagine that even those positive memories sting today.

One of the highlights of my freshman year was the birth of my sisters oldest child. That's right, that little girl asleep on that good looking young man's chest is now in college. Bailey was born in January of my first year of school.

I'm thankful today for the Midland Christian and ACU communities. A difficult first first day will be made easier because my family is surrounded by loving, praying people.

On the Move (Family Update)

2007-08-21T09:44:00.000-05:00

My family enjoyed a trip to San Antonio last week where I was invited to lead a Wednesday night praise service at the Northside Church of Christ. This was our third summer to be with that church. They always welcome us warmly and we enjoy playing in San Antonio.

Stephanie and Emily flew from San Antonio to Idaho to attend Steph's grandmothers funeral. Rainey and I drove home with a short stop in Austin to see some of our favorite friends. We are all back at home now and gearing up for school. Steph starts teaching at TCU today.

My parents and niece Caitlin returned yesterday from two weeks in China. They worked with orphans, helped with medical treatment and saved a bit of time for some sight seeing.

Last week my brother J. and his wife Laurie took their older daughter Jordan back to Harding where she is beginning her second year.

And Sunday Tod and Lee Ann dropped of Bailey at ACU to begin her freshman year. Of all these travels, the short trip from Midland to Abilene may have been the most difficult. I'll probably write more about that later.

Get Out of That Chair and Walk!

2007-08-14T11:58:00.000-05:00

We had dinner with Lee Ann and Bailey last night. It was so good to be with them. Their strength and honesty teach, encourage and convict me. We are praising God today as Bailey had a great doctor visit in Dallas and is out of her wheelchair. Please see the note from my brother-in-law below.

Dear friends and family,
I just watched Bailey walk down the hall to our hotel room. It was wonderful. I don't have long, but I wanted to update after visiting Dr. (super)Starr. All the news is great. She has healed wonderfully and is now released to do whatever she feels like doing. We are thrilled. Lee Ann cried. Bailey feels really tall. We are headed to the mall to buy college clothes. Bailey can't wait to try on clothes like a normal person. This is a good day. Grace. Tod

Thank you all for your many prayers! It is a good day.

Happy Birthday Rainey!

2007-08-08T09:25:00.001-05:00

Six years ago today God blessed Stephanie and me with our sweet baby girl Rainey. Her beauty astounds me. Her creativity inspires me. Her love overwhelms me and spurs me on to be a better person.

We celebrated last Saturday with a luau and swim party. As you can see, little sister Emily really got into the theme. Big Daddy and Gran came down from Idaho for the big event. And this morning Rainey received a happy birthday call from China where Papa and Rose and cousin Caitlin are spending a couple of weeks.

Before they left for China, Papa cleaned our teeth and checked out Rainey's six year molars that are coming in right on time.

It's been a difficult summer to say the least, but I'm learning to be more thankful, hold my sweet girls tighter and celebrate every occasion with more joy and less presumption about the future. I love you Sweet Baby Girl! SBB forever!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update: My sister and her family returned safely from their cruise. They had some fun and some difficult moments, but she said they were glad that they went. Please continue to keep them in your prayers as this Fall brings many firsts without Connor: football season, school, etc. And a huge first as their oldest, Bailey heads to ACU to begin college. If all goes well, Bailey will be out of her wheelchair sometime next week.

Camps and Cruises

2007-07-30T09:53:00.000-05:00

I was honored to be part of the Royal Family Kids Camp again this summer. I spent last week with some beautiful kids and wonderful volunteers. We swam, played, prayed and sang our way through a fun week. My brother J. and I had the privilege of speaking and leading the songs at chapel everyday. Knowing that the campers have all had difficult lives to say the least, I think God hears their praises as beautiful choruses!

I have been constantly reminded this summer why God wants His people to be part of a church body. I have watched as so many have served my family during difficult times and last week I watched His bride at her very best. People took vacation time to serve these kids. When we were short a few counselors, the word went out and three people drove in from Knoxville, TN to Texas so 6 kids would not have to miss camp. At the end of the week when I told these people they were heroes, they pointed to the heavens with tears in their eyes, unable to speak, giving all glory to God!

My sisters family is on a cruise this week with their very good friends from Oklahoma. This was a trip planned well in advance of the accident which took their Connor's life two months ago. They were not sure if they would go, but decided to give it a try. My niece Bailey will have to maneuver around the boat in her wheelchair and they will all attempt to relax and have some fun, all the time feeling the emptiness of boarding the ship with one less passenger than they were supposed to.

Please pray for them this week. And remember all the Royal Family Kids and kids like them who are being tossed around by the waves of life. May they find their life boat in Jesus.

Tod Brown Family Link

2007-07-19T10:40:00.000-05:00

I finally put a link (to the right) to the caring bridge website where my sister's family is journaling and people can leave comments for them. Most of you have already been to that site. If you haven't yet, please take some time to look through the journal entries and the comments. You will need to have tissue handy, but you will be blessed.

God's people are blessing our family and Tod and Lee Ann continue to teach us about faith, honesty and Godly grief.

Thanks to Ben Wall for setting up the site and to Golf Course Road Church of Christ for linking it to their website. Ben, your thoughtfulness has blessed me, our family and thousands of others.

Anyone Can Whistle

2007-07-17T08:32:00.000-05:00

I'm a born whistler. Legend has it I could whistle before I could talk. I would sit in my stroller and whistle Sweet Georgia Brown. It sort of freaked people out.

My wife tells me I whistle all the time. It's just a natural thing for me to do. I wouldn't be surprised if I whistled in my sleep. Someone told me once that a person who whistles all the time is a happy person. I think there is something to that. It's difficult to whistle when you're sad.

Yesterday I caught myself whistling a happy tune for the first time in weeks. And I felt guilty. I stopped. It's strange to me that I feel like I'm dishonoring Connor by being happy when I know he would want nothing less for me. The only way to honor his life is to live mine to the fullest. And yet I stopped whistling.

Instead I went back to my office and worked. I'm preparing for two worship services (one at which I'm preaching) and getting ready for camp next week. There is a lot to do, some of it difficult. As I poured myself into the work, I was reminded of these words from the beautifully sad song Anyone Can Whistle:

Anyone can whistle
That's what they say
Easy
Anyone can whistle
Any old day
Easy
What's hard is simple
What's natural comes hard
Maybe you could show me
How to let go
Lower my guard
Learn to be free
Maybe if you whistle
Whistle for me

He Should Have Been There

2007-07-11T09:58:00.000-05:00

My sister and her family came to town this week for Bailey to see her surgeon in Dallas. Here is the report in the words of her father Tod:

We just finished with Dr. Starr. We have good news and bad news. The bad news is short term, the good news is very good. Bailey is healing extremely well. She had multiple fractures in her pelvis and they are all healing very well. The x-rays show that everything is in place and looks great. The catch is that the healing bone is still soft and he wants her to be in a wheelchair for another 5 weeks. It wasn’t a surprise to him, just to us. Our expectations of being able to walk out of his office were unrealistic. She isn’t fragile, but the risk of messing up where she is now isn’t worth it. If she knocks things out of line he can’t fix it and it will have terrible long term implications. He told her to do a lot of pool therapy. It will help when she begins to walk.

That leads to the good news. When she starts walking, (which he expects to be at the next appointment August 14) she should be off crutches or other support within a week to 10 days. That was much sooner than we expected. He also said that she should be able to have as many babies as she wants without any complications or need for C-sections. We had been worrying about it, so that is really good news. Overall we are a little disappointed with the timing, (the cruise we had planned for July 29 is still doable, but more complex and the first few weeks of school may be difficult) but very pleased with the long term picture.

My brother and his wife and Steph and me and our girls met Tod, Lee Ann, Bailey, Hutton and Reagan for lunch after they met with the doctor. It was good to hug them and look into their eyes and talk about things other than the accident for awhile. It felt good just to be with them.

But when we had to say good-bye my heart sank. I'm understanding what a heavy heart feels like for the first time. It feels exactly like it sounds. On the drive back to my office the tears welled up, the anger arose. There was a huge hole in our lunch gathering. The voice in my head was screaming, "Where is Connor? Connor should have been there!"

At lunch we played musical chairs around the table. We tried to arrange things so everyone could participate in the conversation. This put my youngest, Emily (18 mos.), at the end of the table as she didn't seem all that interested in speaking to us. I looked down the table at her during our meal and it struck me that had Connor been there, he would have sat by her. He would have given up his seat with the adults to entertain Emily. He would have known it was a nice thing to do, but his true motivation always seemed to be that he simply loved little children.

I imagine there will be hundreds more " He should have been there" moments. I can't fathom having them at every turn like my sister and her family are experiencing. It seems like a never ending series of discovering new ways to miss him. We journey on and continue to appreciate your prayers.

Disconnected

2007-07-09T10:28:00.000-05:00

I realized this morning how disconnected I feel. At least I think that's what it is. I read the journal that Tod is keeping here and the comments people are leaving. They move me, but they move me as a disconnected bystander. I see pictures of Connor and pause longer than I would have in the past, but I don't feel the full weight of what has happened. I linger longer in the precious moments that occur everyday with my girls, but not longer than other people who never knew Connor and have been moved by our families tragedy. Like my sister Lee Ann I want to embrace the sadness, but I push it away at the same time.

I'm just so tired.

It was only three weeks ago that we found out Stephanie was pregnant. We were in shock. We were not planning on having another baby. Because of our history with miscarriages, we wanted to keep the news to ourselves (we agreed to tell one friend each) until we heard a heart beat. We figured our family didn't need any more bad news. Our fears turned out to be well founded. We lost the baby on Friday. It's only been three weeks, but it's amazing how quickly you get used to the idea of having another one. We planned and prayed and cried and laughed and lost. Again.

Yesterday on my way home from church I heard a discussion on the radio about names for babies. As I listened I caught myself thinking about what we would name this third child. It was like I had missed the events of the weekend. Disconnected.

I don't know how one willingly connects with that kind of pain and anger. But I fear that if I don't, it will reveal itself later in unhealthy ways. It was everything I could do not to lay into the lady working the drive-thru at KFC yesterday because I thought the price they were charging for a Pepsi was highway robbery (which it is by the way, but I knew that going in).

I've been told it is possible to mourn in a healthy way. I sense that there is no alternative; I have to journey through the pain. But everything in me wants to run away and hide. Escape. Disconnect.

Helpless

2007-07-07T09:38:00.001-05:00

Many people have told us over the last few weeks and especially over the last couple of days that they simply feel "helpless." Helpless to know what to say, what to do, what to pray for. Helpless.

It's not a word I have ever used to describe myself. Until now.

helpless:
unable to help oneself; weak or dependent.
deprived of strength or power; powerless; incapacitated.

Of course the helpless place is the very place God finds you and uses you. So if you feel helpless to know what to pray for our family, try this:

Arise, Lord! Lift up Your hand O God!
Do not forget the helpless. - Psalm 10:12

Over a Month

2007-07-02T11:45:00.000-05:00

It's been over a month now.

Over a month since we entered the foreign land of grief and began trying to learn the language of its inhabitants.

Over a month since being inducted into the society of mourners.

Over a month since our lives were changed. Forever. Permanently.

The reality of what has happened usually hits me at night as I lie in bed silently praying. It hits me like a cold chill. It hits me like sudden nausea. It hits me like a punch in the stomach.

Each day seems to bring a new, "specifically missing part." Last night I mourned Conner the cousin my youngest daughter Emily will never know on earth. That's the two of them in the picture above. Connor had a way with little kids. He had plenty of practice with all of his little cousins and he was wonderful with them. The loss of that relationship sent me reeling last night.

I think of these words from John Irving several times a day:

"When someone you love dies, you don't lose him all at once; you lose him in pieces over a long time - the way the mail stops coming, and his scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in his closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of him that are gone. Just when the day comes - when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that he's gone forever - there comes another day, and another specifically missing part."

Update

2007-06-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

That sigh you just heard came from me. I've sat down at this computer numerous times and had no idea where to begin. The most obvious place is to again say thank you to everyone for your prayers, cards and email and to thank God for the way He has used this horrible time of darkness to reveal bright blessing stars.

My niece Bailey is getting better everyday. She is a young woman of strong mind, strong body and most importantly, strong character. Her youngest brother Reagan is busy with All-Star baseball games and dealing with not only the loss of his big brother, but the loss of his roommate. His other big brother Hutton is working, hanging out with friends and revealing his own quiet strength and immense faith. My brother-in-law Tod is simply amazing. His ability to deal so honestly with such raw emotions while leading his family through the darkness and revealing sacred truths to the rest of us in the process is something only accomplished by a man who has spent significant time with his heavenly Father during the good times over the years. Check out his journal entry from today to see what I mean: http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=todbrownfamily
And my sister Lee Ann...my big sister...to begin to explain the love and pride that has been revealed in me for her is an impossibility. I can neither speak of it nor write about it yet without becoming overwhelmed.

So, over the next few days and weeks and months I will write more about this journey. Perhaps something I've learned will help you, but mostly it's good therapy. Your continued prayers for our entire family are appreciated.

I'm Still Here

2007-06-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

Can't begin to write about the last two weeks yet. However, I did want to let you know I'm still out here and to thank you so much for your prayers, cards and email. We are making an effort along with the rest of our family to get used to what will be our new normal. So many of you have prayed and it has been those prayers that have held us up and carried us through this horrible time.

We mourn, but we are blessed.

God is good.

Taking out the Trash

2007-05-23T11:09:00.000-05:00

I love college football! In fact, each year it seems I start to long for it earlier and earlier in the year. This year I couldn't even make it to June. I told my wife recently that it was going to be a long, hot summer because I was already jonesing for some Saturday football.

Having said that, I know there is an ugly side to the sport. I know the coaches are overpaid and often cheat their way to the top. I know the players are coddled and babied. I know all that, but I can't help it. I love the game. So, I give you this article as at least a bit of a defense for college football: http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/news?slug=dw-paterno052207&prov=yhoo&type=lgns&expire=1

There is still some integrity left and I will be cheering for the Nittany Lions this year!

New Words

2007-05-21T15:53:00.001-05:00

This weekend on NPR I heard a list of new words that will most likely not make it into the dictionary. These were my three favorites that I'm trying to work into my own limited vocabulary.

destinesia (noun) : a disease in which one enters another room/area and forgets what they came for.

Although he marched angrily and purposefully into the room, the moment he stepped in from underneath the door, he had destinesia and forgot for what he had come.

Molassochist (noun) : One who derives pleasure from making processes painfully slow.

I went to the DMV today to get my licenses and the guy was such a Molassochist.

flatuglance (noun) : The glance given by someone who recognizes that someone in his or her's presence has farted.

While on the elevator, he recognized someone's flatuglance as he tried to determine who had passed gas.

See if you can work these into a conversation or spelling bee. Or send me your own new words.

My Mom, Rose

2007-05-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a day to celebrate mom's. For some people that means remembering their mother who has passed on to the next life. For others it means being reminded that their relationship with their mother is not a healthy one. I have friends in both those groups and I feel for them.

Thankfully, I'm in the group who truly get to celebrate, honor and thank their mom's. To say I was blessed with great parents would win the blog award for understatement of the century. However, instead of making an exhaustive list of all the wonderful things about my mom and risk having you not read it because of its intimidating length, I've narrowed it down to my two favorite things about my mom, Rose.

1) Her sense of humor. I'm not just talking about the ability to tell a good joke or deliver a good line. I'm talking about the knack to deliver it at the right time. My mom has always made me laugh. She taught me that laughter is wonderful and powerful medicine. She also taught me that what Woody Allen said is true, "If it bends it's funny, if it breaks it's not funny." A sharp wit can be used to soothe or skewer. In Roses' case, that wit has been in good hands.

2) Her love of learning. Rose possesses the wonderful combination of curiosity and a willingness to change. It's one thing to learn about new things and ideas, it's another entirely to make the effort to change your actions and opinions based on that new information. She's not a radical or a dimwit who changes her mind like the wind changes direction, but she is willing to admit when she is wrong and make an effort to grow and move forward.

As I said before, the list could go on and on. I think I'll just work on being like her in those two ways for now. That would be quite an accomplishment.

Happy Mother's Day Rose! I love you and I'm truly thankful for you.

Musical Weekend

2007-05-07T11:47:00.000-05:00

First of all, you may notice that a blog regarding the Mavericks loss in the first round of the NBA play-offs is conspicuously missing. Simply put, I'm not in a good place to talk about that yet. It's over, I'm bitter. I'm not even close to being finished with the first step of grieving: shock. Next will come denial and then probably a violent reaction. Maybe I'll write about it during that stage.

On a brighter note, I enjoyed a musical weekend with friends and family. Friday night, my friend Craig Fisher introduced me to Robert Gotcher and we listened to he and a friend play an accoustic set. It was relaxing and very enjoyable. Robert is an excelent songwriter, guitar player and singer. Check out his fine work at www.robertgotcher.com.

Saturday, my five year old daughter Rainey participated in a violin recital where she and my beautiful bride played a duet. Saturday night, Rainey and I participated in the TCC Country Strings annual show that we get to help out with every semester. I sang a few songs, but the highlight of the evening was Rainey's rendition of "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" from the musical Oklahoma. I know I'm her dad and everything, but man that girl can sing! Check her out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u649z_3ZvAs.

Thanks to Diane Enger, TCC and Country Strings for inviting us to participate again this semester. And thanks as well to all of you who came out to see the show.

And finally on Sunday afternoon, a dream come true! After listening to the soundtrack from the brilliant musical Wicked for months and months, we finally got to see it! What a great show! Rainey has it memorized, so getting to sit by her and watch her be amazed was worth twice what we paid for the tickets.

What a cool weekend! So take that Dallas Mavericks, I'm moving on with my life!

Thoughts on Foul Language

2007-05-03T09:20:00.000-05:00

When one becomes a parent, one begins to look at, and listen to the world in a different way. I'm the parent of a very smart 5 year old who questions everything. I like that about her. She has a 15 month old little sister who is learning to talk by repeating what she hears. This makes the world for me an interesting place. Television shows, movies, billboards, magazines and radio shows that I previously paid little attention to are now magnified as my oldest ponders their meaning and my youngest repeats their language.

I heard a man telling about taking his 7 year old son to a professional basketball game and sitting in front of some guys who were using very bad language. This puts a parent in a tough spot. If you decide to say something to the cussers, you risk a major confrontation. If you say nothing, you either have to leave or cringe for the entire game. Their freedom of speech has now taken away your freedom to enjoy a ballgame with your kid. Is that right? It seems to me that this is a case of liberty without responsibility.

The other day I was getting some soup at the grocery store. A nicely dressed young man came up behind me to see what kind of soup they were serving. When he saw what it was he said to no one in particular, "S***, f***ing clam chowder." Then he returned to his job at the in-store bank where I found out later, he was the manager. Was he really that disappointed in the soup? At what point does that "strong" language lose its power? What words would he choose should say, his leg was cut off in a horrible logging accident? The same words he used to express his disappointment with the soup choice?

Is it purely a matter of laziness? Is it the general dumbing down of our society? Is it an indication of the loss of our moral compass?

Hey, watch your mouth, I'm just asking.

Dear Mavs, You're Killing Me!

2007-04-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Mavs,

I never said it would be a walk in the park. I knew from your regular season losses to the Warriors that this was going to be more difficult than most experts predicted. I was fully prepared to stick with you through six games to win this series if that's what it took. I was committed.

Now, down 3-1 and desperately trying to hold on, I'm faced with the truth that you may be out in round one and I have to office next to "Joel the Warriors fan (JTWF)" everyday! Come on Mavs, you're killing me! I stayed up until the wee hours to watch you lose last night and then had to meet JTWF this morning for a 7:00 AM meeting! I'm working on my letter of resignation. If you don't turn this thing around, I don't see how you can expect me to face him everyday.

I've given you 27 good years. I stuck with you through the lean times. I've forgiven you for the debacle in last years championship series. In the immortal words of the poets and musicians The Pet Shop Boys, "What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?"

Yours, but Feeling Scorned,

Stephen

A Walk Down Amnesia Lane

2007-04-27T09:26:00.000-05:00

My oldest niece started college this year and her cousin will begin in the fall. Entering this time of their lives has made me nostalgic about my own college days.

I was never one who took a lot of pictures, but my best bud Brandon always did. We had a lot of fun and I'm thankful there is a record of it, but check out how dated these pictures look on Brandon's blog. http://brandonscottthomas.blogspot.com/

O how time flies!

The Poverty of the Affluent

2007-04-19T10:12:00.000-05:00

I don't remember where I heard that phrase, but it has stuck with me.

The poverty of the affluent.

I live in the richest country in the world. The list of billionaires grows almost daily, but the poor among us often seem doomed to stay that way.

The poverty of the affluent.

The brave people in our military who put their lives on the line everyday for our freedom are grossly underpaid and it's difficult to find them money for supplies and training. Not to mention they have been sent to fight a war they can't win. Our President, the Commander and Chief, pushed through a tax bill that benefits the above mentioned billionaires and will be in affect for the next three years. Now he's trying to make those benefits perminent.

The poverty of the affluent.

Our wants have become our perceived needs and so we shoot each other over gold necklaces and trust funds. Or we dig ourselves into the depths of credit card debt because we not only need (want) it, we need (want) it NOW! And the offers for more credit arrive in our mailboxes everyday.

The poverty of the affluent.

We have more "no fault" divorces, amicable break-ups and shared custody of the children than ever before. The child in the classroom who still lives with both parents is in the minority and even those kids rarely see their parents who are working longer hours to make more money, pay the minimum balance on those credit cards, and keep up with the Jones'.

The poverty of the affluent.

We can afford to take more drugs (both legal and illegal), play more online poker, and keep it more quiet than ever before, so we medicate our way through life.

The poverty of the affluent.

Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
What a man desires is unfailing love,
better to be poor than a liar.
The fear of the Lord leads to life:
then one rests content, untouched by trouble.
Proverbs 19:21-23

Inspired

2007-04-16T09:24:00.000-05:00

When it comes to muscles, brains and talent, I believe in the phrase, "Use it or lose it." I've proven that to a certain extent by losing what little muscle and brain power I ever had and lately I've feared that perhaps I've squandered my talents as well. This is serious business. It certainly doesn't please God and the road that does not include me walking in my gifts is the road to insanity.

When it comes to muscles, it helps to have a workout partner. For brain power I suggest books, lectures, crossword puzzles and discussion groups. As for any creative gifting I might have, there are two key ingredients: inspiration and motivation. And like workout partners and discussion groups, creative inspiration and motivation often come from walking with other creative people.

I've been inpired and motivated recently by reconnecting with my friend Rolando Diaz (that's him in the pink shirt and ballcap). Ro is a gifted artist (that's one of his pieces at the top of this post) with a beautiful story. His work and his life inspire me and his encouraging way of kicking my artistic backside motivates me. I won't take the time to tell you his story right now, but please check out his work at http://www.rodiaz.com/. You will be blessed.

Thanks Ro, for reminding me of the potential of a blank page or canvass. Here's to the unpainted masterpieces and the yet unwritten songs!

Happy Birthday Rose

2007-04-03T15:26:00.000-05:00

I love it when a plan comes together. It just so happened that my sister Lee Ann (that's her on the right) and her daughter Bailey were in town yesterday for Bailey's district golf tournament on my mom's (everybody calls her Rose, including her grandkids, that's her on the left) birthday! It also was a coincidence that the NCAA Basketball championship game was played on Rose's birthday. Two of her favorite things, grandchildren and college basketball combined for a blowout party.

After dinner at Pappadeaux, we retreated to our house to watch the game. You have to love a woman who likes good sea food and good basketball. Even though her beloved Kentucky Wildcats had a down year, Rose still managed to enjoy the tournament and her birthday.

Happy Birthday Rose!

The Hope of Easter

2007-04-02T09:57:00.000-05:00

The death toll for Americans in Iraq is approaching 3,000 and it is estimated between 61,000 and 65,000 Iraqi's have died thus far. 2 earthquakes and a tsunami just hit the Solomon Islands. Millions are living with and dying of AIDS in Africa. Most of those cases could have been prevented.

Closer to home, a child dies, a spouse is unfaithful, a mentor disappoints.

These are my thoughts as I look forward to Easter Sunday.

Has the Resurrection made a difference? Am I a fool to believe?

And then God inserts a guy like David Wilcox into my life who reminds me through song that there is hope.

SHOW THE WAY

You say you see no hope,
You say you see no reason we should dream that the world would ever change
You're saying love is foolish to believe
'Cause there'll always be some crazy with an Army or a Knife
To wake you from your day dream, put the fear back in your life...

Look, if someone wrote a play just to glorify what's stronger than hate,
Would they not arrange the stage to look as if the hero came too late
He's almost in defeat
It's looking like the evil side will win,
So on the edge of every seat,
From the moment that the whole thing begins

It is Love who makes the mortar
And it's Love who stacked these stones
And it's Love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's Love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness Love can show the way

So now the stage is set
Feel you own heart beating in your chest
This life's not over yet
So we get up on our feet and do our best
We play against the fear
We play against the reasons not to try
We're playing for the tears burning in the happy angel's eyes

For it's Love who makes the mortar
And it's Love who stacked these stones
And it's Love who made the stage here
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us
But it's Love that wrote the play...
For in this darkness Love can show the way

God is Love. I John 4:8

The hope of Easter is that this world filled with sin and death is not all there is. It's that belief that motivates me to keep going. It's that hope that dictates my actions. It's the power of the Resurrection and the all encompassing, unconditional love of God that raises me up when there is evil all around me and shows me the way to a better life.

It's not always pretty. It's not always easy. But the Author of the story is God and the hero of the story is Jesus and He will never show up too late. What's too late when death has been conquered?

That's the hope of Easter.

Belated Birthdays and March Madness

2007-03-28T09:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm not a great brother or a thoughtful Uncle. Thankfully, my family is understanding when it comes to the NCAA basketball tournament controlling my brain. And obviously I'm an expert at picking games (see last blog entry).

My sister Lee Ann had a birthday on March 11. She spent it in Nicaragua on a medical mission trip as a triage nurse. Lee Ann's oldest daughter is off to college next year, leaving three little brothers at home. I can only shake my head in disbelief when I consider the schedule my sister keeps. Just for grins she went back to school a couple of years ago and finished first in her nursing class. She is talented and beautiful and smart, but her children really are her crowning jewels and they are the most brilliant jewels one can imagine.

Lee Ann's child number three, my nephew Connor turned 13 on the 18th. Unlike his Uncle Stephen, he does know how to pick basketball games. He has a good chance of winning the bracket contest we are both in. Connor is smart and a great athlete and handles the difficult role of being in the middle of three brothers with aplomb. And let's be honest, it's not easy keeping up with school, sports and family responsibilities, all the while fighting off a significant group of female admirer's.

And finally, there is my oldest nephew Hutton. I'm actually getting this one in under the wire. Hutton turns 16 tomorrow. I've always felt a kinship with Hutton. Maybe it's because he was the first male addition to the next generation of our family. Maybe it's our shared affinity for the guitar and recently another shared musical activity, leading worship. Hutton was the Ring Bearer (or as he called it at the time, the "Ring Master") in our wedding. He actually inspired a song I wrote for the occasion called "We Can." Hutton is subtle. He can seem quiet sometimes, but pay attention, you don't want to miss what he has to say. He quietly goes about the business of being a great friend, a wonderful student-athlete and a good brother.

I'm thankful for my family and I'm very proud of them. The Bailey's are not big birthday celebrater's, but I do usually try to get a card in the mail. Thanks in advance for your forgiveness that I let that slide this year.

And Happy Birthday! I'm glad you were born!

For the Record

2007-03-15T10:59:00.000-05:00

If you have not visited this blog in a few days, please read yesterdays post about my friend Bill Rippy. I don't want you to see this latest post and miss that one.

However, March Madness is here and I know Bill was a huge basketball fan so for the record, your Final Four will be:

Florida vs. Pitt.

North Carolina vs. Memphis

Carolina over Florida (71-65) in the title game.

Enjoy the madness!

Billy Jack Rippy

2007-03-14T14:37:00.000-05:00

Billy Jack Rippy.

Sounds like a character in an adventure novel doesn't it? Well, he was a character and he was full of adventure, but Billy Jack Rippy was not a work of fiction. Billy Jack Rippy was a friend of mine. He passed away last Thursday and I was honored to get to sing at his memorial service yesterday.

Because he was such a big supporter of youth sports when I was growing up, I saw his face everywhere when I was a kid. He coached, he volunteered, he cheered, jeered, encouraged and worked his tail off so kids like yours truly could experience the joy and drama and education one receives from playing sports. Looking back, I cannot imagine the hours he put in.

At some point when I was in high school I lost touch with him. A few years ago I walked into a room full of musicians and was recognized by Bill's wife Martha who plays the fiddle. The first time she and I shared the stage was the first time I saw Bill in nearly 20 years. When the gig was over, I stepped off the stage to greet my old friend. He saw me coming and yelled from across the theater in his uniquely gruff voice, "Boy, I didn't know you could sing like that!" Then he proceeded to put his arm around my shoulders, gather a crowd and brag about what a great basketball player I was. He remembered my playing days more favorably than I deserved, but I wasn't about to interrupt him.

I can't tell you how good that made me feel.

Just before the service started yesterday, I told that story to a friend of mine who was there to play bass. As people began to get up and tell their own "Billy" stories, I quickly realized they had all had similar experiences. They spoke lovingly about how Bill had made them feel so good about themselves. How he had cheered them up, cheered them on and then bragged about them to anyone who would listen.

Billy Jack Rippy: Lifter of chins, cheerleader to the underdog and chief trumpeter of other people's accomplishments.

Not a bad legacy, huh?

Zoe in Lubbock, Texas

2007-03-05T11:53:00.000-06:00

Major props to everyone at the Monterey Church in Lubbock for an outstanding job of hosting the Zoe conference! Your love, graciousness, humor, hospitality, hard work and food were all appreciated!

One of the great things about being part of the Zoe conferences this year is that I get to spend time with my best buddy Brandon Scott Thomas and my new buddy Rich Smith. Those two men spur me on to love and good works (and make me laugh a lot too). It's such a blessing to experience the worship and teaching at the conference and then have people like Rich and Brandon to process it with.

Here is what God gave me this weekend:

1. God needs interruptible people. If I recognize His voice and stay open to holy interruptions, my priorities will be messed with. I may find out that pausing to have a simple conversation that God asks me to have might be the most important thing I do in a day filled with activities I thought were important. Be interruptible.

2. God is looking for lover's, not workers. Even hard workers may never love you, but lover's will do anything for you.

There were a lot of good things shared and some wonderful teachings presented, but that is what God had for me.

BTW, I met a few people in Lubbock who actually read this blog on occasion, including one of my 6th grade teachers, Craig Gray. Good to see you Coach Gray!

Forgiveness

2007-02-27T11:22:00.000-06:00

My beautiful wife had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. I asked her what she had learned in her thirty some odd years on this earth. She didn't have to consider the question very long. Her answer was one word,

"FORGIVE."

I've watched what an unwillingness to forgive can do to a person and even an entire family. It slowly eats away at you. It controls you. It keeps you up at night. It destroys relationships.

I've also seen forgiveness set people free from long time bondage. It releases you. It strengthens you. It brings sweet rest.

There is a reason God tells us to be forgiving and it has very little to do with the person we are forgiving. It is because He knows that when we forgive we are set free! And He was serious and clear about it:

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

And the thing is, it's a choice. It's not an easy choice sometimes, but it's a choice nonetheless. It's a choice that forces you to step outside of yourself. It's a choice that keeps you from fretting about petty things. It's a choice that allows you to live life to the fullest, unencumbered by the weight of resentment.

If you are carrying around resentment right now, you are torturing yourself. And what's worse, the very person you can't seem to forgive is controlling your life! Forgive, move on, and if you can't do it alone then get help. Confess it, pray about it, own up to it. An unwillingness to forgive is just as bad as whatever sin you are having trouble forgiving!

And if you don't believe me...well, I forgive you!

Thus endeth the sermon.

Cruisin'

2007-02-19T16:52:00.000-06:00

Steph and I just returned from a very relaxing cruise. We met some very nice people, ate great food, read, hung out by the pool, snorkeled, shopped and...well...I'll stop my list there. What happens on a cruise stays on a cruise, right?We are so grateful to my parents (Papa and Rose) for keeping the girls for a whole week so we could get away. It was a wonderful way to celebrate Valentine's and Stephanie's birthday!
Another year older and more beautiful than ever! Looks like that guy she's with has put on a few pounds though. Must have been the cruise food.

Hope all is well in your world.

Super Bowl Observations

2007-02-05T08:30:00.001-06:00

1. Rex Grossman: Awful. I'll stop there before I start cussing.

2. Payton Manning: Great quarterback. Love his commercials, hate his whiny, baby face when things are not going well.

3. Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith: Hated that one of them had to lose. Two Professionals who expect their players to act like professionals too. What a concept.

4. Abilene: How about the Key City getting some props last night! Two Abilene Cooper grads and one ACU grad on the field and even CBS Producer and ACU grad Lance Barrow got a mention from Jim Nance. Nice.

5. Commercials: Ho-hum. Have our expectations gotten too high?

6. Most Uncomfortable Moment: My sainted mother laughing a little too hard at the Doritos ad with the check-out girl commenting on the different flavored chips. It's just not right for the grandmother of 8 to laugh so much at thinly veiled double entendres.

7. The Weather: Welcome to sunny Miami! Who cares about the players. How about some love for Billy Joel and Prince who fought through the rain (insert your own joke about Purple Rain here) to perform for the love of sport and America! They were troupers!

8. Opening Kick-Off Returns: Is it just me or does it seem like the team that runs back the opening kick-off for a touchdown in a big game often loses the game? See Ohio State's Ted Ginn, Jr., 2007 NCAA National Championship.

9. HD: Worth every penny.

10. On with the Show: Or should I say, "The Dance" or "The Madness." I'm a fan of the Super Bowl, but in my world it is only a warm up act for March Madness. I can now turn my full attention to my favorite sporting event of the year. The Super Bowl is a nice warm up and the Masters is an awesome cool down, but the main event is nearly upon us. Ladies and Gentlemen, start your brackets!

California Praisin'

2007-01-29T10:38:00.000-06:00

Last week I was honored to participate in the West Coast Zoe Worship Conference hosted by the College Church of Christ in Fresno, California. If you are familiar with the Zoe Group then you know my best bud Brandon Scott Thomas is part of its leadership, so getting to spend time with him is always a treat. He brought Rich Smith along this year. Rich is the founder of Levi Ministries in Lubbock and is a man with such a sweet spirit and pastoral heart that I find myself drawn to him and wanting to have long conversations about deep topics. I love people like that! He also has a voice to match his spirit.

Mostly, however, I want to sing the praises of the College Church. Sandra, Lex, Lisa, Bill, Lee, Dee (and I know I'm leaving so many out), THANK YOU,THANK YOU, THANK YOU! One of the ways to know how someone really feels about you is to find out what they say about you behind your back. Well, I've been bragging on you guys for the last two days to anyone who will listen. The food, the fellowship, the servant hearts, the open arms...you model what it means to be a family. I felt at home from the moment Lisa met me at the airport on Thursday to Saturday night when I reluctantly left to catch my plane back to Texas. I felt like I was leaving old friends even though I had only known most of you for a couple of days.

May God continue to bless you and may He be gracious enough to see that our paths cross again very soon!

One Year

2007-01-18T10:05:00.000-06:00

It was without a doubt the most difficult 12 months of our marriage.

3 pregnancies. 3 miscarriages.

We fought against the temptation to let it define us, but at times it certainly did. We prayed, we yelled, we questioned, we cried. We were ready to give up or at least take a break from trying.

And then it happened. We were pregnant again.

To be honest, there was little joy when we got the news. We had been conditioned by then to keep our hopes low. We worried that we would lose this one too. We worried about how we would handle another disappointment. We worried that all our worrying was bad for the baby. We prayed until we had no more words and then we let our 4 year old daughter Rainey pray for us. Surely God would pay special attention to her sweet prayers.

Time moved slowly, but we made it through the first trimester and began to see a glimmer of hope. Then we made it to 26 weeks and we allowed ourselves to get a little excited.

And finally, on January 18, 2006 Emily Rose Bailey arrived.

Now, we can't believe it's already been a year since that blessed day. The past 12 months have been as joyful and quick as those 12 months mentioned above were sorrowful and slow.

Emily took her first steps yesterday. She is working on expanding her vocabulary. She blows kisses, gives hugs and has her daddy wrapped around her little finger. She loves her mom and adores her big sister. She has survived her first year of crawling around with Ikey the Super Weenie Dog and diving head first into the coffee table (nice black eye).

I remember when my niece Jordan was in an accident with her boyfriend. My brother called to say that he wanted us to know that they were okay. He asked us to pray and thank God that they were not badly injured. He called the same people he would have called to pray if they had been injured. That really moved me.

So today I ask all of you who so diligently prayed for us when we were going through our worst 12 months to lift a prayer of thanksgiving for Emily Rose. She is happy and healthy and an indescribable blessing to our lives.

Thank You God! Happy Birthday Em! Daddy loves you!

MLK, Jr.

2007-01-15T09:51:00.000-06:00

As I think about Martin Luther King, Jr. today and the struggle for equality that he led, I am reminded of the battles for equality that continue to rage on in the country where I live and all over the world. What can I do? Well, I can pray and hope and love my neighbor as myself. Regardless of my neighbors race, sex, beliefs, history, etc. And I can forgive and ask for forgiveness. For in forgiveness and grace there is freedom.

I give you these words from James Taylor's song Shed a Little Light.

Let us turn our thoughts today to Martin Luther King
and recognize that there are ties between us,
all men and women living on the Earth.
Ties of hope and love, of sister and brotherhood.
That we are bound together in our desire to see the world become a place in which our children can grow free and strong.
We are bound together by the task that stands before us
and the road that lies ahead.
We are bound and we are bound.

There is a feeling like the clenching of a fist.
There is a hunger in the center of the chest.
There is a passage through the darkness and the mist.
And though the body sleeps the heart will never rest.

Shed a little light, oh Lord, so that we can see.
Just a little light, oh Lord.
Wanna stand it on up, stand it on up, oh Lord.
Wanna walk it on down, shed a little light, oh Lord.

Can't get no light from a dollar bill.
Don't give me no light from a TV screen.
When I open my eyes I wanna drink my fill from the well on the hill.
Do you know what I mean?

Shed a little light, oh Lord, so that we can see.
Just a little light, oh Lord.
Wanna stand it on up, stand it on up, oh Lord.
Wanna walk it on down, shed a little light, oh Lord.

There is a feeling like the clenching of a fist.
There is a hunger in the center of the chest.
There is a passage through the darkness and the mist.
And though the body sleeps the heart will never rest.

Oh, let us turn our thoughts today to Martin Luther King
and recognize that there are ties between us,
all men and women living on the Earth.
Ties of hope and love, of sister and brotherhood.

Listening

2007-01-08T08:58:00.000-06:00

Don't you love people who are good listeners? It's a skill more of us could stand to develop. In the Bailey family we joke that at family reunions we have to hire non family members to come so there will be someone there to listen. We like to talk.

When conversing one on one, most of us have developed the ability to at least fain the appearance of listening even if we are actually thinking of other things like what gem of a comment we are preparing to offer the poor schmuck across from us blabbering away about something or other. "How lucky they will be to hear what I've got to say. It will probably change their life."

When sitting in an audience however, some people don't even try to look like they're listening. Perhaps these people have never stood before a group and attempted to communicate something. If that's you, let me let you in on a little secret: That person up in front speaking...CAN SEE YOU! The last time I was in front of a group, several people looked like they were being tortured. Grant it, listening to me speak may be considered cruel and unusual punishment, but this was at a church! The least you could do is pretend to listen. You don't have to pretend to agree. You don't have to even stick around. But if you decide to stay, try not to appear like you want to hurt the person who is speaking.

Anytime someone does something live, in front of a group, it is participatory. Actors, musicians, teachers, preachers, lecturers, comedians, salespeople; they all feed off of the response they are getting from the audience. And again, THEY CAN SEE YOU and THEY CAN HEAR YOU! Applaud, boo, Amen, hiss, nod in agreement, listen with your eyes, but don't sleep through it or scowl at them and then tell them what a good job they did afterwards. It's disingenuous, dishonest and disrespectful.

Try this: Commit to listening as intently as the speaker is committed to speaking. And give them a break, it's not easy to get up there and open yourself up in front of a group of people.

Thus endeth the rant. Were you even listening?

My Muse

2007-01-03T09:31:00.000-06:00

I seem to have lost my Muse in the new year. Perhaps she will miss me and return. Until then, here are some pics from the holiday season and why I like them.

The Nativity at Rainey's school. She played Mary. I like this picture because I love pre-school theatre!

This is our family at church on Christmas Eve. Rainey wanted to wear her "Wizard of Oz" shoes, but obviously didn't want her picture taken. I also like this picture because Stephanie made those dresses and her blouse.

This is Em on Christmas morning. I like this picture because it shows Ike the Super Weenie Dog's butt and because Em and the bear have the same tired look on their faces.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday. Happy New Year!

Ode to the Shower

2006-12-20T09:25:00.000-06:00

In response to those in my family who think I take ridiculously long showers, I submit to you the following heart felt poem:

I find solace in the shower
I could stay in there for hours
The steam and heat
They feel so sweet
They turn bright red
My two white feet

It's where I do my best thinking
It's where I stop my stinking
It's where I hide
And try to decide
Just exactly how
I feel inside

Although somewhat arbitrary
It is my sanctuary
No kids to foil it
No phone to spoil it
All I ask is
Please don't flush the toilet

Hee-Haw

2006-12-12T10:41:00.000-06:00

Every semester at Tarrant County College, Rainey and I help out with the recital put on by the Country Strings class. The class is made up of people from the community and it is always a lot of fun. This semester they did a tribute to Hee-Haw. Here are some pics. SALUTE!That's Diane Enger on fiddle. Diane teaches the Country Strings class.

I love me some mandolin! The great bearded one, Harris Kirby is a master and his protege, Eric Tepner is following in his footsteps.

It's always fun to sing with Keith and Beth Enger (on the left) and this year I recruited Kliff Rodgers (far right) to sing bass. He did an outstanding job and we had a lot of fun.

Martha Ripy takes the class every semester and plays the fiddle. She also played the role of Minnie Pearl this year.

The highlight of the show is always the kids. Rainey (the little one far left) has been in every show since she was two years old. This picture was taken during the finale.

Thanks to everyone who came out to see the show!

Separated at Birth

2006-12-06T16:00:00.000-06:00

This will be meaningless for many of you. But for those who love Saved By The Bell and are from the churches of Christ (who salute you), separated at birth: Mr. Belding and Randy Gill.

Tell me I'm wrong about this!

Flying with Children

2006-12-04T11:31:00.000-06:00

I love to people watch and airports are a great place to do that. Over the Thanksgiving holiday my family flew to Idaho with a lay-over both ways in Denver. That's four separate flights if you're scoring at home. Flying with children is always tricky. You have to carry a lot of stuff, figure out how to warm a bottle in flight, try to schedule flights at nap time - and these days, wrestle with your 10 month old daughter at the security check in so they can make sure she's not wearing shoe bombs.

I started watching people at the gate and on the plane and it was fascinating to sense what they were thinking when they saw our family.

There were the young single people who just thought our girls were adorable.

There were the frequent flying businessmen who had been serving money all day, suddenly dropping their cell phones and promising God half of next years gross profits if He would seat them as far away from us as possible.

There was the newlywed couple sharing earbuds and watching re-runs of The Office on their laptop. They didn't notice us, but we stared at them trying to remember what it was like to travel before we had children.

There was the first time pregnant woman watching us hand out crayons, clean up spilled drinks, make multiple trips to the bathroom and handing kids back and forth, seeing her future and wondering if she was prepared for it. "You're not!" I wanted to tell her.

There were the knowing nods from other parents traveling with children.

My favorites, hands down were the older couples who have been there and done that. They want to tell you about their grown children and share stories about traveling with them when they were young. The women usually remember these times fondly. The men are less delusional, but at least serve as an inspiration that you can survive all this.

Truth be told, the girls did great. We even made it through being stuck on the ground at D/FW airport for 30 minutes waiting for a gate to open up at the end of our long journey home. When we finally arrived at the gate, an older woman who had been sitting in front of us turned and said she hadn't even realized there were small children right behind her.

I helped her get her bag down from the overhead bin. Then she put her hearing-aids back in and headed for the door.

Sweet!

2006-11-20T11:04:00.000-06:00

We had some sweet family time this past week. On Thursday, Rainey was the candle lighter at her school chapel. She attends Red Apple Pre-School at Peace Lutheran Church in Hurst. We love the school and are thankful for the Christ centered teaching she is receiving. True to form, she chose to wear a Halloween ensemble that day - two weeks after Halloween. I love that girl!

On Friday we toured the Sweet Shop in Fort Worth. We learned how fine candy is made and why it's so expensive! It was really interesting to watch them hand decorate each piece of candy and hey, as an extra bonus we got to wear these cool hair nets!
I was thinking about thanksgiving and contentment last night. Emily was having a difficult time going to sleep, so I went in and rocked her gave her a bottle. As we rocked our cares away in her dimly lit room, I wondered if the moment would be sweeter if her room was bigger or had more stuff in it. It was pretty dark in there, so I imagined that the part of the room I couldn't see was huge and filled with toys. You know what? That didn't make the moment any sweeter.

Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving holiday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BST!

2006-11-15T11:21:00.000-06:00

A quick shout out to my brother Brandon who was born on this day some thirty years ago - give or take a decade.

When I went to college, my good friend Allen Robertson told me I needed to meet another incoming Freshman named Brandon Scott Thomas - a boy with three last names. Little did I know that we would be connected for the rest of our lives.

No need to go into detail in a public forum like this. So, I will simply say that we have enough dirt on each other to build a mountain and we have had A LOT of fun gathering that dirt!

BST, I love you, I trust you and I'm proud of you. Thanks for always being there to laugh with until we cry and cry with until we can laugh again.

I'm glad you were born!

Big Night Out

2006-11-13T10:31:00.000-06:00

I hit the town Saturday night with a beautiful woman on each arm!After some primping at the Sweet and Sassy Salon, Rainey joined her mother and me for a big night out. We dropped little sister off at my brother's house and headed for our favorite Japanese restaurant. Rainey turned heads with her new hair-do and lovely red dress her Papa brought her from China.

After dinner it was off to the theater to see a musical about Noah and his family called, "The Ark." At intermission, the owner of the theater asked Rainey to collect entries for a drawing to win free tickets to another show. Well, she worked the room not only collecting entries, but telling everyone about her make-over and her dress from China. Then she got to stand center stage and draw the winners for the free tickets. When she was introduced, she smiled and took a bow.

She called me "Sir" for the entire evening and waited patiently for me to open doors for her and Stephanie. In fact, Steph tried to get the door once and Rainey scolded her and told her that was the gentleman's job. I hope she expects nothing less from the young men she will date someday.

I also hope she will remember nights like Saturday night forever. I know I will.

Most of All, I Love Me!

2006-11-07T13:10:00.000-06:00

My daughter Rainey is in that stage where she can recognize letters and sometimes sound out words, but she can't really read yet. She does, however, have many of her books memorized.

The other night she "read" to me from a book that her Aunt Lee Ann made for her when she was born. It's called "Who Loves Rainey?" Each page has a picture of Grandparents or Aunts and Uncles or Cousins or Parents on it. The caption below the picture has their name and says they love Rainey. "Uncle J. and Aunt Laurie love Rainey!", "Hutton loves Rainey!", "Big Daddy and Gran love Rainey!" You get the idea. So it's easy to "read" because Rainey recognizes the pictures.

But when she got to the last page the picture was of her. The caption says, "But most of all, Jesus loves Rainey!" She paused when she saw that these words were different, so I helped get her started by saying, "But most of all..." and with all the confidence in the world she said, "I love me!"

Cute story until I stopped to think about it.

Bottom line: In my life it's true far too often.